Have you ever been so mad at being judged without even doing whatever you were accused of? well add embarrassment and a derogatory view of you by even those who do not know you and thats how you feel when called a “slut”. In this century, 75% of relationships contain sex , and 15% of the rest have pressure for sex in them or some form of alternative sexual activity. Imagine a lady ,that dates about 7 guys before she finds her husband. Let’s note that she probably will have sex with five(5) of the seven (7) guys while in a relationship with them and some form of sexual activity with the other two. Thats not to say that people don’t date without sex but with the amount of pressure on social media , and in our society its a very low percentage that copes without sex. So tell me , that lady is a slut by society’s standards isn’t she?
Let’s move past those that actually monitor another person’s sex life to those who decide your tag as a ‘ slut’ or ‘a hoe’ . Their parameters include your attire, what you say or most inane of all , your instagram or social media feed.
What makes a person a slut?
Apparently in our society , you have to be a female for the term slut/hoe to be a derogatoy term. In true double standard fashion, it is perfectly respectable for a male to be a slut or a hoe. The male species seems to even be more revered when they are called terms like this. That is why , it is okay for a guy to go about having sex with every tom , dick and harry with no consequences and yet it is the ladies that end up being called sluts?
Lets think about this logically , blaming a mutual activity on a person gives that person a higher level of responsibility therefore making me draw the conclusion that society assumes the girl child is more intellectually developed than the male child. Yet a man would be the first to argue that they assume a sort of protector role in the relationship. Isn’t it socially accepted for the protector to take responsibility? or am i mistaking my societal rules?
If you wear certain attires that expose more than people consider appropriate , you will be called a slut. I have even experienced an instance on social media where a married lady was called a slut because of her make up. I mean that is just plain ridiculous, you would agree with me.
Why society calls you a slut?
You’re a female
because you are different and they do not understand how that is possible
especially when you wear fashionable outfits and dare to look bangin’ in them
or when you dare to express your sexuality .( I mean its simply not done for you to expect good sex or talk about it)
infact when you are a confident Boss Lady and are completely goal oriented
because society is full of judgemental ignorant fools, thats why.
What calling a person a slut says about you
It is really stupid for you to judge a person when we all sinning. We all have our skeletons , and it would be hypocritical to call another person a sinner. Remember you are a sinner too, just for another sin. And yes, that includes you guys who make it your hobby to break up marriages because you apparently slept with the soon -to-be-wife. Like your wife has not been bedded by someone else. I refuse to accept that it is okay for him to be praised for being active sexually and yet the same guy can expects me to be a virgin (untouched ) in every sense before i can be considered marriageable material. It’s not okay that males can be so far removed from the concept of being chaste and discerning in their sexual life that it seems like acient babble to them when i as a female have to adhere strictly to the rules or suffer the demeaning concequences that come with being tagged a slut.
Funny enough, one would think that a female would be one to shun this tag completely for her fellows. Unfortunately the opposite is true. In fact it is the females that are the first to take up the banner and stigmatize another. I mean does jealousy or envy justify such a derogatory term ? What happened to the lifting other females up and fixing each others crowns? A casual ‘oh she gets around a lot’ here and another ‘ oh i wont say shes a slut but she has sex with many people’ there. Soon people begin to see her in a different light with the occassional name calling and back talk.
Let’s talk about the trolls and religious fanatics
Most of those who have the time to troll other people and appoint themselves judge and jury over another are usually jobless. Doesn’t that say something more about the person that calls you a slut than you, who is being called a slut ? I have noticed that most times when people see someone who is completely confident in her sexuality , the response of weak people is to fall back to slut- shaming.
If you decide to come for me from the religious aspect, i am sure whether you are a christian or muslim that no where in both religious books did it state that you should go ahead and judge anybody by your standards. Infact, as a christian i will call your attention to the part in the bible that says “Judge not that ye shall not be judged”
King James Version (KJV)
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Now that that has been established, why dont we all just simply stop hiding behind things like religion, culture, morals and simply just mind our buisness.
Justifying rape because she is a Slut
In case you don’t know , tagging a female a slut does not just stop there. It has a rebound effect. If that lady gets raped it is 90% your fault. Sure there is no excuse for rape. But I have heard situations where a lady has been tagged a slut and one guy decides to taste too . He probably approaches her and she turns him down. He is furious because well she has “loose morals “ how can she say no. So he rationalizes that she wants him to force her. He then goes on to rape her.
Can you see how keeping your mouth shut and minding your business would have helped? That aside slut or not, how can a person justify rape? I mean there is simply no excuse. Whatever she wears or says or does does not make it okay to force her. I mean you can always just look away. Rape is NOT and will NEVER be the “victims” fault.
Anybody that blames a female for being raped and tags her a slut or hoe after is sick and I just hope that person never experiences rape.
If you can’t tell this is an issue that really gets to me. I mean if a lady chooses to use her body to help her make ends meet I’m sure it wasn’t her 1st choice. You who decided to judge her , how much have you contributed to her life? The truth is most times people that judge others are guilty of worse. If you cannot help her , and you cannot ask her to help you then sit your ass down and face your life. How does bringing another down help you is a question I continue to ask myself.
A world without the tag ‘SLUT’
Imagine a world where the female code was not only for rep sake on social media but was actually a code that we lived our lives by. Just think, a world filled with Queens that lifted each other up. A world where Kings let go of the irrelevant things and focused on building an empire. That’s the world i want to be in, that’s the world that would be worth living in. I refuse to believe that me talking about this would not make a difference. I have joined the band wagon for change, no matter how little an impact this makes it will still somehow help us get the change we want.
A friend told me to not bother myself about it, it’s just the way society is and it will not change in this generation, he said. No matter, i still add my little drop to the puddle of water, someday it will become an ocean.
Ladies, be confident, know yourselves, help each other, take a stand for change. Let the revolution start with you !!!!!!
A Diary is a book full of your hopes, dreams, secrets and life lessons.
Keeping a Diary was the second thing I was dedicated to in high school. My Diary was my bestie (You can see why I did not have a real bestie HERE) and my confidante, it held basically everything about my life and the lessons I learned in it. After I had people steal and read my first diary ever, I made sure the next diary had a lock.
For me junior school is sort of a blur, it was all about getting good grades and following the rules. By the time I got to SS2 however, I realized that I barely remembered anything about junior school. Determined to change that I made sure to change up my habits and have fun. A few weeks ago though, I came across my diaries and I sat down and went through them again. It took a while but reading the diaries really opened my eyes and put a lot of things in perspective. Here are a few life lessons I want to share with you that I learned from reading my diaries again.
Live Life to the fullest so you do not have regrets.
One thing I do regret about secondary school is the fact that I did not open up fast. While reading my diary I discovered that going to the hostel in Jss3 saw a particular incident that caused a change in my behavior. After deciding to actually live , I then began to see life in color, have fun, make memories – sad, happy, fun and somber. Truthfully this life lesson may seem like one that is a given. Unfortunately, you would be surprised at how many people are going through life with grey colored glasses on. From the moment I decided to actually live, I began to make memoirs. Looking back now, the memories I have are mainly of those final days in school.
Throughout high school, I did not date anyone not because I did not want to but because I was convinced that I had met the love of my life. Reading this in my diary was both embarrassing, funny and sad at once. While reading I began to try to pinpoint one reason why I decided I was in love with him and I still cannot find one. I was totally infatuated with him (and the laugh lines around his eyes). I was so sure he was the one that I decided to wait around till he was ready to date me. Unfortunately for me, after wasting a lot of time I finally pulled up the courage to talk to him only to get a good dose of reality and heartbreak.
Reading through this I once again felt a sort of replica of the pain I was going through. Seeing how much I cried after dedicating so much time and my fragile emotions into him was heartbreaking and freeing at the same time. After suffering heartbreak, I turned my thoughts to revenge (how to make him pay) and even that eventually fizzled out. Now I realize that the life lesson I should have held on to from that is the fact that you cannot make anyone love you.
It was really not love, but at the time I would have bet a lot on the fact that we would end up married with kids and a great life. I had big dreams, and now I know those dreams will still be reality but this time with the right person.
Embracing change is not so easy. Going into secondary school I was a quiet, jaded girl who had been through lots of family issues and I had walls of reinforced steel around myself. Leaving high school, I had drastically changed into a more jovial, still cautious but happier girl.
The day in Jss3 when my life changed started as any other with me minding my business, keeping to myself. I had joined the hostel two weeks prior but I still kept sitting where I used to in class instead of with the ‘boarders’ (what students in the hostel were called). On this day one of my hostel mates – Nike – got angry at the fact that I refused to associate with them. She cruelly embarrassed me in front of the other boarders. She called me all sorts of names including cry baby and little girl and basically told me I was afraid of everything. Her words made me run to the top floor and hide there, crying all day.
One of my sort of friends at the time found me there and comforted me. During this I realized that even though she was cruel and mean in the way she said the words to me, she was actually right. I had been so concerned with protecting myself that I did too good a job in cutting myself off from people.
That was the turning point. From then, I began to open myself up one step at a time till it became second nature to me to be like that. No change is easy, but it almost always leads to a better version of you.
No matter how bad it is, it will always get better.
Even in secondary school, I went through some ups and downs that seemed almost insurmountable. After reading my diary, I said a quick thank you to God for how far I have come now. No matter how bad it gets, it can always get better is the life lesson I took away from this.
You definitely will #winks. I see my throwback pictures and Lord! Lord! I thank you for where I am now. That is not to say I was not cute, because I was. But then again, they are called throwback pictures for a reason.
Here is the only throwback picture I can release with peace of mind #laughs.
There are a lot more lessons I have learnt from reading my diary again and I would love to share more with you.So if you would love to read more of this comment YES down below.
By now you must have outgrown the nickname ‘Rubies’ if you remember it but if you do, I can see the cringe you try to hide behind a smile when it comes up. You are probably thinking you could have thought up a better nickname (Got to say I do not think so), but I do not want to get your blood pressure up so I will just address you as Seyi.
Having kids and achieving your dreams really looks good on you and so does the glittering ruby ring on your finger. Looking at you from all the way over here, I cannot fully grasp how content you are, not just content but happy. Sure there have been potholes, everyone has to hit one at one point or the other but you have gotten through them and come out fine. You may look back and think ‘I had it easy when I was younger’, so I will remind you of how it was hoping you’ll be grateful at every point in your life.
At the early stage of your life it was all fun and games and your greatest worry was whether the ice cream man would show up or not. Then teenage years came up and insecurities became the order of the day. For a long while you battled with your identity, not just that but what your path was. Everyone seemed to have everything sorted out but you kept floundering…no clear direction. The journey to purpose was full of a lot of half-baked ideas, disappointments, pain, running to God when everything else failed. You cried a lot, so many times, over and over and at times it seemed nothing would ever go right. All you wanted to do was fulfill your duty and be happy but it seemed duty and happiness were worlds apart. You made so many mistakes that you can never take back, a lot of them leaving an indelible scar on your soul but somehow in the midst of that all you found purpose.
Do you remember now how much making your dream a reality with your blog cost? The sleepless nights awake thinking of content, the fear of making a fool of yourself? Pouring all your money into it and barely having enough to feed? There were so many doubts in your head and in the mouths of others, how you never gave up is a miracle in itself. So you did start “LazyTrendyChic” a project close to your heart with the help of friends, ones that will last a lifetime. All you wanted to do was make people see that the society’s pre-portrayed image of us does not have to hold true. Our first obligation should be to ourselves, to please ourselves and be comfortable in our skin before anything else and fashion was your medium. OH, the feeling of glorious fulfillment when the first stage of the plan was put in place and your blog kicked off. What joy! What happiness! The very reason all the sacrifices are worth it.
It is from this point in your life that I write to you dear older Seyi, I do not know where the tide will go from here or even if my dream will make it any farther but I have hope and a fierce determination and that is what keeps me going. I trust that what will be will be. Please do not forget what the ‘Ruby’ means to you….the fiery wrath of the gem, a strength unbending, passion as bright as flames, coolness against your skin…your calm in every situation. Forget not also, the pricelessness of the gem…you are worth the world.No matter what may come your way Seyi remember you are strong, you are flawed and perfect as you are.
I look forward to seeing you sparkle and light up the room even more than you already do.