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Slut for what: The Anti Movement

Slut

slʌt/

noun

derogatory
                 A woman who has many casual sexual partners.
Have you ever been so mad at being judged without  even doing whatever you were accused of? well add embarrassment and a derogatory view of you by even those who do not know you and thats how you feel when called a “slut”.  In this century, 75% of relationships contain sex , and 15%  of the rest have pressure for sex in them or some form of alternative sexual activity. Imagine a lady ,that dates about 7 guys before she finds her husband. Let’s note that she probably will have sex with five(5) of the seven (7) guys while in a relationship with them and some form of sexual activity with the other two. Thats not to say that people don’t date without sex but with the amount of pressure on social media , and in our society its a very low percentage that copes without sex. So tell me , that lady is a slut by society’s standards isn’t she?
     Let’s move past those that actually monitor another person’s sex life to those who decide your tag as a ‘ slut’ or ‘a hoe’ . Their parameters include your attire, what you say or most inane of all , your instagram or social media feed.

             What makes a person a slut?

slut : the anti movement

        Apparently in our society , you have to be a female for the term slut/hoe to be a derogatoy term. In true double standard fashion, it is perfectly respectable for a male to be a slut or a hoe. The male species seems to even be more revered when they are called terms like this. That is why , it is okay for a guy to go about having sex with every tom , dick and harry with no consequences and yet it is the ladies that end up being called sluts?
        Lets think about this logically , blaming a mutual activity on a person gives that person a higher level of responsibility therefore making me draw the conclusion that society assumes the girl child is more intellectually developed than the male child. Yet a man would be the first to argue that they assume a sort of protector role in the relationship. Isn’t it socially accepted for the protector to take responsibility? or am i mistaking my societal rules?
     If you wear certain attires that expose more than people consider appropriate , you will be called a slut. I have even experienced an instance on social media where a married lady was called a slut because of her make up. I mean that is just plain ridiculous, you would agree with me.

            Why society calls you a slut?

  1. You’re a female
  2. because you are different and they do not understand how that is possible
  3. especially when you wear fashionable outfits and dare to look bangin’ in them
  4. or when you dare to express your sexuality .( I mean its simply not done for you to expect good sex or talk about it)
  5. infact when you are a confident Boss Lady and are completely goal oriented
  6. because society is full of judgemental ignorant fools, thats  why.

What calling a person a slut says about you

      It is really stupid for you to judge a person when we all sinning. We all have our skeletons , and it would be hypocritical to call another person a sinner. Remember you are a sinner too, just for another sin. And yes, that includes you guys who make it your hobby to break up marriages because you apparently slept with the soon -to-be-wife. Like your wife has not been bedded by someone else. I refuse to accept that it is okay for him to be praised for being active sexually and yet the same guy can expects me to be a virgin (untouched ) in every sense before i can be considered marriageable material. It’s not okay that males can be so far removed from the concept of being chaste and discerning in their sexual life that it seems like acient babble to them when i  as a female have to adhere strictly to the rules or suffer the demeaning concequences that come with being tagged a slut.
           Funny enough, one would think that  a female would be one to shun this tag completely for her fellows.           Unfortunately the opposite is true. In fact it is the females that are the first to take up the banner and stigmatize another. I mean does jealousy or envy justify such a derogatory term ? What happened to the lifting other females up and fixing each others crowns?  A casual ‘oh she gets around a lot’ here and another ‘ oh i wont say shes a slut but she has sex with many people’ there. Soon people begin to see her in a different light with the occassional name calling and back talk.

        Let’s talk about the trolls and religious fanatics

slut : the anti movement

Most of those who have the time to troll other people and appoint themselves judge and jury over another are usually jobless. Doesn’t that say something more about the person that calls you a slut than you, who is being called a slut ?  I have noticed that most times when people see someone who is completely confident in her sexuality , the response of weak people is to fall back to slut- shaming.

    If you decide to come for me from the religious aspect, i am sure whether you are a christian or muslim that no where in both religious books did it state that you should go ahead and judge anybody by your standards. Infact, as a christian i will call your attention to the part in the bible that  says “Judge not that ye shall not be judged”

Matthew 7:1-20

King James Version (KJV)

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you againAnd why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Now that that has been established, why dont we all just simply stop hiding behind things like religion, culture, morals and simply just mind our buisness.

Justifying rape because she is a Slut

slut : the anti movement

In case you don’t know , tagging a female a slut does not just stop there. It has a rebound effect. If that lady gets raped it is 90% your fault. Sure there is no excuse for rape. But I have heard situations where a lady has been tagged a slut and one guy decides to taste too . He probably approaches her and she turns him down. He is furious because well she has “loose morals “ how can she say no. So he rationalizes that she wants him to force her. He then goes on to rape her.

Can you see how keeping your mouth shut and minding your business would have helped? That aside slut or not, how can a person justify rape? I mean there is simply no excuse. Whatever she wears or says or does does not make it okay to force her. I mean you can always just look away. Rape is NOT and will NEVER be the “victims” fault.

Anybody that blames a female for being raped and tags her a slut or hoe after is sick and I just hope that person never experiences rape.

If you can’t tell this is an issue that really gets to me. I mean if a lady chooses to use her body to help her make ends meet I’m sure it wasn’t her 1st choice. You who decided to judge her , how much have you contributed to her life? The truth is most times people that judge others are guilty of worse. If you cannot help her , and you cannot ask her to help you then sit your ass down and face your life. How does bringing another down help you is a question I continue to ask myself.

A world without the tag ‘SLUT’

girl power

Imagine a world where the female code was not only for rep sake on social media but was actually a code that we lived our lives by.         Just think, a world filled with Queens that lifted each other up. A world where Kings let go of the irrelevant things and focused on building an empire. That’s the world i want to be in, that’s the world that would be worth living in. I refuse to believe that me talking about this would not make a difference. I have joined the band wagon for change, no matter how little an impact this makes it will still somehow help us get the change we want.

A friend told me to not bother myself about it, it’s just the way society is and it will not change in this generation, he said. No matter, i still add my little drop to the puddle of water, someday it will become an ocean.

Ladies, be confident, know yourselves, help each other, take a stand for change. Let the revolution start with you !!!!!!

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Life & Style Rubies Diary

Life Lessons I learnt From Reading My Old Diary

life lessons from old diary

A Diary is a book full of your hopes, dreams, secrets and life lessons.

life

Keeping a Diary was the second thing I was dedicated to in high school. My Diary was my bestie (You can see why I did not have a real bestie HERE) and my confidante, it held basically everything about my life and the lessons I learned in it. After I had people steal and read my first diary ever, I made sure the next diary had a lock.

For me junior school is sort of a blur, it was all about getting good grades and following the rules. By the time I got to SS2 however, I realized that I barely remembered anything about junior school. Determined to change that I made sure to change up my habits and have fun. A few weeks ago though, I came across my diaries and I sat down and went through them again. It took a while but reading the diaries really opened my eyes and put a lot of things in perspective. Here are a few life lessons I want to share with you that I learned from reading my diaries again.

  • Live Life to the fullest so you do not have regrets.

One thing I do regret about secondary school is the fact that I did not open up fast. While reading my diary I discovered that going to the hostel in Jss3 saw a particular incident that caused a change in my behavior. After deciding to actually live , I then began to see life in color, have fun, make memories – sad, happy, fun and somber. Truthfully this life lesson may seem like one that is a given. Unfortunately, you would be surprised at how many people are going through life with grey colored glasses on. From the moment I decided to actually live, I began to make memoirs. Looking back now, the memories I have are mainly of those final days in school.

A life worth living is one worth living well. Click To Tweet
  • Do not be too hasty to call it love

Limerence – Infatuated love

Throughout high school, I did not date anyone not because I did not want to but because I was convinced that I had met the love of my life. Reading this in my diary was both embarrassing, funny and sad at once. While reading I began to try to pinpoint one reason why I decided I was in love with him and I still cannot find one. I was totally infatuated with him (and the laugh lines around his eyes). I was so sure he was the one that I decided to wait around till he was ready to date me. Unfortunately for me, after wasting a lot of time I finally pulled up the courage to talk to him only to get a good dose of reality and heartbreak.

Reading through this I once again felt a sort of replica of the pain I was going through. Seeing how much I cried after dedicating so much time and my fragile emotions into him was heartbreaking and freeing at the same time. After suffering heartbreak, I turned my thoughts to revenge (how to make him pay) and even that eventually fizzled out. Now I realize that the life lesson I should have held on to from that is the fact that you cannot make anyone love you.

It was really not love, but at the time I would have bet a lot on the fact that we would end up married with kids and a great life. I had big dreams, and now I know those dreams will still be reality but this time with the right person.

‘Easy O, Jeje’ don’t be so fast to call it love. Click To Tweet
  • You have to embrace Change (that is how you grow)

Embracing change is not so easy. Going into secondary school I was a quiet, jaded girl who had been through lots of family issues and I had walls of reinforced steel around myself. Leaving high school, I had drastically changed into a more jovial, still cautious but happier girl.

The day in Jss3 when my life changed started as any other with me minding my business, keeping to myself. I had joined the hostel two weeks prior but I still kept sitting where I used to in class instead of with the ‘boarders’ (what students in the hostel were called). On this day one of my hostel mates – Nike – got angry at the fact that I refused to associate with them. She cruelly embarrassed me in front of the other boarders. She called me all sorts of names including cry baby and little girl and basically told me I was afraid of everything. Her words made me run to the top floor and hide there, crying all day.

One of my sort of friends at the time found me there and comforted me. During this I realized that even though she was cruel and mean in the way she said the words to me, she was actually right. I had been so concerned with protecting myself that I did too good a job in cutting myself off from people.

That was the turning point. From then, I began to open myself up one step at a time till it became second nature to me to be like that. No change is easy, but it almost always leads to a better version of you.

  • No matter how bad it is, it will always get better.

Even in secondary school, I went through some ups and downs that seemed almost insurmountable. After reading my diary, I said a quick thank you to God for how far I have come now. No matter how bad it gets, it can always get better is the life lesson I took away from this.

Lord I’m blinded by your grace. Click To Tweet
  • You will get finer and dress better

You definitely will #winks. I see my throwback pictures and Lord! Lord! I thank you for where I am now. That is not to say I was not cute, because I was. But then again, they are called throwback pictures for a reason.

Here is the only throwback picture I can release with peace of mind #laughs.

There are a lot more lessons I have learnt from reading my diary again and I would love to share more with you.So if you would love to read more of this comment YES down below.

Have you ever had a diary or kept a journal?

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Bants with Seyi Life & Style

Gym-scapedes: Week 1

gym escapedes

‘I say I’m badder than, all of you, all of you…. Actually I gym more than some of you, some of you’

Wearing my favorite pair of black stretchy legging (from @dkhay_empire) and my neon green sports bra under a black tank top with sneakers on and ear buds in and jamming to Davido’s all of you. I was feeling all fly and shii because I was on my way to the gym.

gym escapedes

I was all up in my baby girl for life mood the first day I hit the gym and started my journey into the world of fitness. Two weeks in and I’m no longer walking to the gym like I’m going for a fashion show, now I am either tired to my bones or I’m psyched and ready to feel the pain and own it.You are wondering how I got to that stage abi? Let me tell you the story.

How my Gym vibes changed

For the first three days, I would hit the gym with my ‘lazier than I am’ friend and my ‘gym addicted’ housemate. I and my ‘Lazier friend ‘would be trained by the instructor and he would give us basic exercises to do that to me were not unreasonable. My lazier friend though would complain and I would join her because ‘why I go wan look like oversabi?’

After all the gyming oo, I would then go home and be lamenting in my mind because I did not feel sore or a lot different. Okurr. Then things changed.

The week after I had crazy class schedules that would see me walking home exhausted about 4pm and I would still have to hit the gym that evening. My wonderful friend did not even just bother to show her face (aunty haff tire) and Uncle Gym addicted house mate found a new hobby (biko why now? Better reset your brain to default settings ooo). So imagine me, baby girl for life mood don ‘run away’, contemplating the wahala I put myself into ooo just because I want to wear crop top. In fact was I blind when I was eating all the food and it was storing in my stomach? #crying emoji. That’s when my gym instructor now decided to switch up his game on me, like ‘did I offend you before sir?’

Gym wahala

This fateful day sha, I went to the gym jejely and I was stressed ehn.Luckily for me, after about two minutes I saw my gym crush coming, Thank you Jesus ooo see motivation. Mr. Crush came in greeted the few of us in the gym and proceeded to take off his shirt ‘Can I get a hallelujah somebody?!!!!!’ If you see me drooling that day ehn, I produced the rivers of water from my mouth.

gym escapedes

That was when the gym instructor interrupted the fantasy of my hands and those chiseled abs to tell me to join some other ladies being trained by one guy. I was about to vex, I mean he just interrupted my fantasy until I saw that the guy that was training too was a fine boy.

The heavens are smiling upon me today. So I moved over and joined them in the stretches as they were just starting. We started with touching out toes while sitting with your head touching your knee and the other leg folded (please when I am not a gymnast, my head dinnur touch my knee oo).

gym

Next we moved on to other stretches including the child pose and then he gave us the last one that caused gobe.in my mind I was nau wondering is this one stretching too???

gym escapedes

 

That’s when my crush decided to speak up ‘Ahan, no wonder you will go from 8 to 8 on top of somebody’s child. Brother take it easy na.’ In my mind I kuku agreed, it’s their type that will kill somebody’s child , but what is my own let me stretch my stretch in peace.

The trainer then replied my crush “it is good now, but I met you in the business oo, my own 8 to 8 is your foreplay”

gym escapedes

FUNKEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kuku kill me o because of working out

All this one o we were still holding the stretch position. Finally we finished stretching and moved on to real abdominal exercises. Remember I said I used to lament because I was not doing enough? Omo by the second exercise I knew that Na to just die here remain ooo.

gym escapedes

Me that I was forming BOSS before, I began to confess to myself oo ‘I shall not die but live to see another gym day’ can I get an AMEN!!!!

From leg raise, to flutter kicks, to crunches, to inverse crunches to Russian twist it was a serious matter. After 74years we finally finished. I just collapsed on my mat like no, I just got back from a 100year trek in the desert without water (Sense wee not kill me abeg).

Can you now imagine that as me I lay on the workout mat panting, our superwoman now stood up rejuvenated and went on to do squats with 30kg weights #it is well.

gym escapedes

I just jejely packed up my load ooo and hobbled to my house. I was sure that I would barely be able to get out of bed the next morning.

As long as we live to see anther gym day sha.

Here are a few tips to help you get through week one of the gym:

  1. Dress comfortably . Dont be like me oo ,the gym is not a place to go and find ozzband biko so dont dress like that.
  2. it is not easy!!!!Dont assume it is easy, go prepared to work your ass off . It looks easy but all na scam.
  3. Make sure to eat well, Diet as i have been told is 90% of the workout.

Don’t forget to like, comment, share and keep up with me on social media. Till next week loves

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diary Lifestyle

Reality of Friendships plus OOTD

the truth about friends

Friendships and friends can be the safest part of reality for a person and yet can also be the place that brings one the most pain and heart break.

“Best friend: A person who you choose to put your heart, soul and secrets in trust with.

The one person who even though may not be blood related to you

can be your pillar when all else fails and has the power to rip your heart out easily”

Back in primary school, I had a bestie that I did everything with – eat, play, we even had the primary school crush on brothers because anything else was just unacceptable. Everything was as fine as fine can be and my little innocent heart thrived on the friendship (being an only child I was alone a lot), until one day I got to school and found that everyone in my class were avoiding me and staring a little more than usual. Luckily for me (as a fine chubby head  girl) I never pulled the ‘Queen Bee’ stunt on my mates so it was not long till someone came up to me and told me that my so-called  bestie announced to the whole class that I was a witch. Did I hear you say what?!!! Now imagine my shock.

Yhup the wonderful beastie – what I started calling her after, understood the fact that at that time even as young as we all were we knew that being a witch was a bad thing and that the rumor would isolate me from the class and probably the whole school.  That was my first taste of betrayal and I knew I would not give her the pleasure of crying in her presence, so I proceeded to go about my day as normal. But as soon as I left school I burst into tears and cried all the way home.

My mum came to school the next day and made her take back her words but it had already made an impression on my young heart, and I knew then that I really did not want to feel like that ever again. Needless to say I did have close friends but never a best friend ever again. Friendships in reality are a bed of roses but then again even roses have thorns. The good friends have your back through thick and thin, good and bad and the bad ones unfortunately leave a scar.

“Twenty friends cannot play together for twenty years” Click To Tweet

You know the kind of friends that you meet and you just click and suddenly they are the first person you think of when something happens? Yes, the friends that get you so much but then someway, somehow as fast as you clicked you begin to drift apart and no matter how much or how hard you hold on it just won’t be the same again. I have had so many friends like that and honestly I am grateful for all of them. Some friends , as perfect as they might be are just for a time .As much as it might hurt not to talk to them again the memories of how beautiful it was while we were together would always be in our hearts.

A friend that stays at your ugliest, is a friend forever. Click To Tweet

Even as there are bad friends that leave a mark, there are also the good ones. I have friends of the opposite sex and same sex who when I was having issues were my strength. There was this particular time when I misplaced my wallet. I just came back to school from home with five thousand naira after serious hustling.

Somehow I misplaced my wallet but did not notice till hours later. I was confused, frustrated, crying and angry. Out of anger, I left my hostel and just kept walking. I then picked a bike to one of my friend’s apartment (which he paid for). Seeing my face and appearance (I looked crazy) he asked what was wrong and I tearfully told him the story. I remember him hugging me and making jest of my look.He then took me to the ATM gave me five thousand naira and took me out to eat.

It might seem like nothing but instances like this are what make you know how true your friend is. Emotionally, Physically, Financially, Academically friends are supposed to lift each other up. What kind of friend are you? What kind of friend do you have?

Outfit Of The Day

the truth about friends and an ootd

 

I am wearing leggings and a crop top and my new favourite sneakers because the best way to live is to love yourself first and be your own best friend first before you can then be another person’s. Complete yourself so that anybody else will add to you just as you will add to them.

I talked about loving  yourself and your body on my new post on “My thoughts:on the Thick trend” go and check it out.

On some level I do know I am sort of scared of being labelled “the witch” again but what is life without risk? So I will complete myself and open my heart to friends who will add to me as I will add to them.

*Looks up from writing to see the lecturer still talking. Goes back to writing*

Tell me…. Who is your best friend?

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Lifestyle

The ‘Thick Body’ Trend|My Thoughts

body goals_the thick trend

 

 

Hi guys,I am here to share my thoughts on the latest body goals-the thick trend. If you are looking for tips on how to achieve a curvier body, sorry but this is not that kind of post. This is simply me sharing my sort of experience with the “every girl should be curvy/thick hype’ that seems to be rampant everywhere especially on Social media lately.

Honestly, whoever was responsible for the trend needs to be fed bitter leaf – in its raw form only, forever.

For those who have the body it’s a lovely thing, but what about those who do not have it? Many people have their self-esteem lowered just because the internet, fickle as it is, now favors females with a different body type.

You are beautiful.It does not matter whether you are tall,short,thin,curvy,black or white.Own your Sexy Girl! Click To Tweet

the thick trend_thick body goals

My Experience With The “Every Girl Should Be Thick IG  Trend”

I won’t lie for a while there, when the trend first came up I was as caught up as the next person in trying to get more fat in the booty area. I had guy friends who would come to me and start the  regular spiel “Seyi, when will your ass increase?’. And the ladies who would come to you with the ‘babe , why your ass just small like this -cue laughter’. Most times when they all say these things it seems to be a joke to them , but they make whoever is on the receiving end feel a little less confident about herself. Comments like this chip away at a hard earned self esteem till it wears down.

Crushing words from my crush

The incident that gave me the most drive to join the ‘thick body gang’  was a comment from my crush. I mean i had been crushing on my friend for a while but he kept treating me like a little sister. One day i see a message from him on snap-chat commenting on my video. Ecstatic that he sent me a message, i open it only to see “Seyi go and get thick for me now”. I mean, i’m  sure he did not think of how much influence that sentence would have on me. Thus started my ‘desperation fueled’ journey to researching every single way to be thick.

Having all this ‘so not helpful’ comments made me so into gaining fat in the right areas. Lukily for me somehow (I have to thank the fact that my laziness protested all the effort I was putting into it) I got back to my senses. So now I wonder how many ladies are still caught up in that web of not being able to love yourself and your body fully. Every female cannot have the same body type –genetics and whatnot. Society’s view about our bodies may have become hidden under the facade of ‘awon omo thicker body’ and I love that song so it’s not as much the song as the way it has now become the acceptable way to leave your perfectly beautiful body and do lots of things for the “thicker body” .

My Realization

ONE day I stood in front of the mirror and took a good look at myself, all the flaws and the perfection that I am and I realized that nothing and nobody should make me believe that my body as I am is not enough. If you cannot love yourself it is next to impossible for you to accept the love someone else has for you – big booty or not.

The first commandment for your body is LOVE YOURSELF. Click To Tweet

A Lil Advice

Going to the gym to better your body is perfectly acceptable but going the extra mile (creams and stuff) just to get curvier because of a trend is NOT. ‘Why exactly do you want the body change?’ Because if it is not solely for you then it is totally not worth it. If you are naturally blessed with the ‘thicker body’ please rock it and if you are on the other side of the spectrum, (the Lil booty gang) rock it with a confidence that cannot be bought. And if someone has a contrary opinion you can tell them where to stick it #wink.

Let us not come and go and kill ourselves. All booties rock!!!!!!

PS: in other news whoever knows a way to get me to stop eating so much junk so late. I can see all the junk I have been consuming go straight down to my belly and storing there. This means no crop tops for me #heart breaks into pieces.  Has anyone been in this situation before? Or am I the only one too lazy to exercise?

PPS: I finally got up the courage to go to the gym. It’s been a week now and it has definitely not been play play. who wants me to do a weekly review on my gym escapades? you would be surprised at how many funny things happen there.

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Life & Style Lifestyle Uncategorized

A Letter To the Older Me

Dear Older ‘Seyi,

By now you must have outgrown the nickname ‘Rubies’ if you remember it but if you do, I can see the cringe you try to hide behind a smile when it comes up. You are probably thinking you could have thought up a better nickname (Got to say I do not think so), but I do not want to get your blood pressure up so I will just address you as Seyi.

Having kids and achieving your dreams really looks good on you and so does the glittering ruby ring on your finger. Looking at you from all the way over here, I cannot fully grasp how content you are, not just content but happy. Sure there have been potholes, everyone has to hit one at one point or the other but you have gotten through them and come out fine. You may look back and think ‘I had it easy when I was younger’, so I will remind you of how it was hoping you’ll be grateful at every point in your life.

At the early stage of your life it was all fun and games and your greatest worry was whether the ice cream man would show up or not. Then teenage years came up and insecurities became the order of the day. For a long while you battled with your identity, not just that but what your path was. Everyone seemed to have everything sorted out but you kept floundering…no clear direction. The journey to purpose was full of a lot of half-baked ideas, disappointments, pain, running to God when everything else failed. You cried a lot, so many times, over and over and at times it seemed nothing would ever go right. All you wanted to do was fulfill your duty and be happy but it seemed duty and happiness were worlds apart. You made so many mistakes that you can never take back, a lot of them leaving an indelible scar on your soul but somehow in the midst of that all you found purpose.

Do you remember now how much making your dream a reality with your blog cost? The sleepless nights awake thinking of content, the fear of making a fool of yourself? Pouring all your money into it and barely having enough to feed? There were so many doubts in your head and in the mouths of others, how you never gave up is a miracle in itself. So you did start “LazyTrendyChic” a project close to your heart with the help of friends, ones that will last a lifetime. All you wanted to do was make people see that the society’s pre-portrayed image of us does not have to hold true. Our first obligation should be to ourselves, to please ourselves and be comfortable in our skin before anything else and fashion was your medium. OH, the feeling of glorious fulfillment when the first stage of the plan was put in place and your blog kicked off. What joy! What happiness! The very reason all the sacrifices are worth it.

It is from this point in your life that I write to you dear older Seyi, I do not know where the tide will go from here or even if my dream will make it any farther but I have hope and a fierce determination and that is what keeps me going. I trust that what will be will be. Please do not forget what the ‘Ruby’ means to you….the fiery wrath of the gem, a strength unbending, passion as bright as flames, coolness against your skin…your calm in every situation. Forget not also, the pricelessness of the gem…you are worth the world.No matter what may come your way Seyi remember you are strong, you are flawed and perfect as you are.

I look forward to seeing you sparkle and light up the room even more than you already do.

Yours,

A younger more gullible you

Rubies.

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