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Love: From the Archives of this 21year Old

love from the archives

When I was a kid, love was my mum bringing me a humongous strawberry ice cream cone, daddy carrying me on his shoulders, kisses from aunts and tickling from uncles. As soon as I could read a little love became fairytales, Cinderella and Rapunzel. When I became old enough to read novels, which I confess is lots earlier than you would think, it was the hero that professed his undying loyalty. The hero that fought for he lady, pampered her, lived for her and sometimes died for her.

Love was basically the perfect man. Then teenage hormones set in and my views changed again. Now the cutetest loner boy in class, the ripped bad boys and the cocky arrogant guys basically all the boys that are wrong became the yardstick to measure this emotion. Sometimes I could even be that older guy who you know is totally unattainable. The older guy syndrome faded fast though, starry eyed I may be but stupid I am not.

Heroes and their ladies..

And so the hero complex definition of love stuck. I gorged on movies, novel and everything that reinforced that belief. In movies love is a spark, love is when eyes meet across the table, love is magical, and it is a trouble free ride to paradise, love is a fairytale…. Love is cliché.

 You know that when we build up a pre conceived notion of how something is supposed to be in our heads it is pretty hard to let go of it. Let’s say, like sex. Now in every novel, movie, or fictional work, sex is like finding the treasure at the end of a rainbow. It is built up to make every girl want the whole she-bang. But in reality, sometimes sex sucks. Your fist time, sex is usually painful, that doesn’t make it less important it just helps us appreciate it more.

What do girls want?

love from the archives

We want Mr. charming to come in and sweep us off our feet. It’s in our nature to want all the good and none of the bad just like hot make up sex with no breakup. We want hero’s, gentlemen, bad boys that will be good for us. Every girl who has ever read a novel or seen a movie wants what was promised her, a forever kind of love. We want the spark, and moonlight walks and it’s not bad to want it, all that’s bad is forgetting that the bad makes us appreciate the good more.

But my fall from cloud 9 to reality took a really long time. I had thought that love was simple, easy, and straightforward. I once fell head over heels for a guy because of his smile. Unfortunately for me, he didn’t see me he same way but I had my movies and they gave me hope that one day he would come groveling. I mean how could he do any different, he was supposed to be my first and last love. Love was everything to me, at least it was.

The truth

Doubt began to creep in when Mr. Soul mate refused to show up. But I put my heart out there again and again. But something began to happen every time I opened my heart and I got disappointed – again and again I might add – I began to believe less.  Giving words to my feelings is a form of therapy for me and most times I end up discussing them in abstract with someone. This is how I came to the conclusion that here is no such thing as a perfect love. Old fashioned love – YES but perfect love – No. I have been told a million and one times that I am too focused on looking for the fairytale that I miss the real thing. That may be true, but I’m not going to stop looking for my magic.

There are no real fairytales, no love without mistakes, forgiveness and all the major life lessons. In the midst of all that though, you will find the magic, the happiness, the sense of safety. Fairytales feed our need to lie on a bed of roses, unfortunately, in real life roses have thorns. I know I am never happier than when the hero gets together with the lady and they live ‘happily ever after’.

 Love in the 90’s

I lived the most of my life with my grandpa and grand ma till my grandpa passed away. Although an extremely brilliant and smart man, an easy man he was not. A few years after his death, I and my grandma were discussing friendships built in her time vs. how we build them now. Somehow we ended up talking about love and I told her I always wondered why grandpa didn’t love her again. She laughed and told me that her husband loved her totally and completely. She aid although he had his faults (the cheating, shouting, even accusations money issues all of which I remembered) but in his own way he really loved her. Then she reminded me about the time he would hug her and play music and they would dance and he would draw me to them and we would all have a blast.

Imagine a woman I thought would resent her husband for all the pain he caused her, explaining gently to me – an onlooker- that all is not as it seemed.

My realization

Here is what I realized, the minute I was reminded of one good time, all the other little things I had forgotten started to come back. I’m not accepting though that love should have that much pain in it but I see now that love encompasses even the faults. And even with his faults, my grandfather respected my grandma, in every area.

I am not a girl who is #single life. I like the idea of a special person to share your life with. Someone who is just as whole as you are, and together makes you a better whole just as you make him better too.

My Stand, My Love

love from the archives

 People may say I have watched too many movies or read too many novels to be practical but here is my conclusion. I want to fall in love, the love that comes with fights and hurdles to pass through. The love that will give me peace and the happiest days I might have yet. I am not going to settle for less or just anybody. I want the fireworks, the magic, the sweet smelling rose petals and I will deal with the thorns as they come. If that is cliché, then yes world! I am cliché. It’s all in the way you see it.

I want crazy stupid love and by God I will get it, even if I have to fight for it.

Love and Light from this birthday girl .

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Uncategorized

Slut for what: The Anti Movement

Slut

slʌt/

noun

derogatory
                 A woman who has many casual sexual partners.
Have you ever been so mad at being judged without  even doing whatever you were accused of? well add embarrassment and a derogatory view of you by even those who do not know you and thats how you feel when called a “slut”.  In this century, 75% of relationships contain sex , and 15%  of the rest have pressure for sex in them or some form of alternative sexual activity. Imagine a lady ,that dates about 7 guys before she finds her husband. Let’s note that she probably will have sex with five(5) of the seven (7) guys while in a relationship with them and some form of sexual activity with the other two. Thats not to say that people don’t date without sex but with the amount of pressure on social media , and in our society its a very low percentage that copes without sex. So tell me , that lady is a slut by society’s standards isn’t she?
     Let’s move past those that actually monitor another person’s sex life to those who decide your tag as a ‘ slut’ or ‘a hoe’ . Their parameters include your attire, what you say or most inane of all , your instagram or social media feed.

             What makes a person a slut?

slut : the anti movement

        Apparently in our society , you have to be a female for the term slut/hoe to be a derogatoy term. In true double standard fashion, it is perfectly respectable for a male to be a slut or a hoe. The male species seems to even be more revered when they are called terms like this. That is why , it is okay for a guy to go about having sex with every tom , dick and harry with no consequences and yet it is the ladies that end up being called sluts?
        Lets think about this logically , blaming a mutual activity on a person gives that person a higher level of responsibility therefore making me draw the conclusion that society assumes the girl child is more intellectually developed than the male child. Yet a man would be the first to argue that they assume a sort of protector role in the relationship. Isn’t it socially accepted for the protector to take responsibility? or am i mistaking my societal rules?
     If you wear certain attires that expose more than people consider appropriate , you will be called a slut. I have even experienced an instance on social media where a married lady was called a slut because of her make up. I mean that is just plain ridiculous, you would agree with me.

            Why society calls you a slut?

  1. You’re a female
  2. because you are different and they do not understand how that is possible
  3. especially when you wear fashionable outfits and dare to look bangin’ in them
  4. or when you dare to express your sexuality .( I mean its simply not done for you to expect good sex or talk about it)
  5. infact when you are a confident Boss Lady and are completely goal oriented
  6. because society is full of judgemental ignorant fools, thats  why.

What calling a person a slut says about you

      It is really stupid for you to judge a person when we all sinning. We all have our skeletons , and it would be hypocritical to call another person a sinner. Remember you are a sinner too, just for another sin. And yes, that includes you guys who make it your hobby to break up marriages because you apparently slept with the soon -to-be-wife. Like your wife has not been bedded by someone else. I refuse to accept that it is okay for him to be praised for being active sexually and yet the same guy can expects me to be a virgin (untouched ) in every sense before i can be considered marriageable material. It’s not okay that males can be so far removed from the concept of being chaste and discerning in their sexual life that it seems like acient babble to them when i  as a female have to adhere strictly to the rules or suffer the demeaning concequences that come with being tagged a slut.
           Funny enough, one would think that  a female would be one to shun this tag completely for her fellows.           Unfortunately the opposite is true. In fact it is the females that are the first to take up the banner and stigmatize another. I mean does jealousy or envy justify such a derogatory term ? What happened to the lifting other females up and fixing each others crowns?  A casual ‘oh she gets around a lot’ here and another ‘ oh i wont say shes a slut but she has sex with many people’ there. Soon people begin to see her in a different light with the occassional name calling and back talk.

        Let’s talk about the trolls and religious fanatics

slut : the anti movement

Most of those who have the time to troll other people and appoint themselves judge and jury over another are usually jobless. Doesn’t that say something more about the person that calls you a slut than you, who is being called a slut ?  I have noticed that most times when people see someone who is completely confident in her sexuality , the response of weak people is to fall back to slut- shaming.

    If you decide to come for me from the religious aspect, i am sure whether you are a christian or muslim that no where in both religious books did it state that you should go ahead and judge anybody by your standards. Infact, as a christian i will call your attention to the part in the bible that  says “Judge not that ye shall not be judged”

Matthew 7:1-20

King James Version (KJV)

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you againAnd why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Now that that has been established, why dont we all just simply stop hiding behind things like religion, culture, morals and simply just mind our buisness.

Justifying rape because she is a Slut

slut : the anti movement

In case you don’t know , tagging a female a slut does not just stop there. It has a rebound effect. If that lady gets raped it is 90% your fault. Sure there is no excuse for rape. But I have heard situations where a lady has been tagged a slut and one guy decides to taste too . He probably approaches her and she turns him down. He is furious because well she has “loose morals “ how can she say no. So he rationalizes that she wants him to force her. He then goes on to rape her.

Can you see how keeping your mouth shut and minding your business would have helped? That aside slut or not, how can a person justify rape? I mean there is simply no excuse. Whatever she wears or says or does does not make it okay to force her. I mean you can always just look away. Rape is NOT and will NEVER be the “victims” fault.

Anybody that blames a female for being raped and tags her a slut or hoe after is sick and I just hope that person never experiences rape.

If you can’t tell this is an issue that really gets to me. I mean if a lady chooses to use her body to help her make ends meet I’m sure it wasn’t her 1st choice. You who decided to judge her , how much have you contributed to her life? The truth is most times people that judge others are guilty of worse. If you cannot help her , and you cannot ask her to help you then sit your ass down and face your life. How does bringing another down help you is a question I continue to ask myself.

A world without the tag ‘SLUT’

girl power

Imagine a world where the female code was not only for rep sake on social media but was actually a code that we lived our lives by.         Just think, a world filled with Queens that lifted each other up. A world where Kings let go of the irrelevant things and focused on building an empire. That’s the world i want to be in, that’s the world that would be worth living in. I refuse to believe that me talking about this would not make a difference. I have joined the band wagon for change, no matter how little an impact this makes it will still somehow help us get the change we want.

A friend told me to not bother myself about it, it’s just the way society is and it will not change in this generation, he said. No matter, i still add my little drop to the puddle of water, someday it will become an ocean.

Ladies, be confident, know yourselves, help each other, take a stand for change. Let the revolution start with you !!!!!!

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Fashion

5 Ways to Style an oversize shirt (plus real life reviews)

The styling of oversize shirts is a trend I have totally wanted to try over time. From blogs like apairandaspare I gathered lots of styles to try and overtime I tried them out one by one. So this is a blog post on how to style oversize or even just long sleeved shirts. The fact that I can pick an oversize shirt and wear it in a different way for every day of the week if I want is definitely something to ease the mind.

Here are the styles:

1. The off shoulder styled oversize shirt

5 ways to style your oversized shirt: the off shouldr style
5 ways to style an oversized shirt: the off shoulder style

I tried this shirt style out for a full day. It totally made me feel a lot less hot on that sunny day with my shoulders bare and it also definitely added some sexy to my basic outfit.

That aside there are a few cons you should most probably put into consideration, if you want to rock this style.

CONS:

  • Never ever ever try this one when you are going on a ferry.During the course of my full day wearing this off shoulder oversized shirt style, I had to go on a ferry and did I hear you say ‘Wardrobe malfunction!!!!’ Because of the wind, the sleeves slipped off one shoulder and I had to keep drawing them back up and adjusting it stylishly under the life jacket. Imagine all that wahala on a shirt ooo.
  • You have to be extra cautious when you board a yellow Lagos bus and sit beside a woman with a hyper kid. I happened to sit beside a lady with this cute but super hyper and playful kid. She kept pulling on my shirt sleeve but because she was cute I could not give her the stern face.I just had to deal with the constant tugging on my shirt sleeve till I got down from the bus.

Apart from these few cons, it’s a perfectly casual and stylish way to rock your oversize shirt .make sure to tuck it in well though and experiment with different ways of wearing it.

2. The sweetheart neckline styled shirt

five ways to style an oversized shirt

This way of styling an over-sized shirt is sort of my favorite. I wore this out for a late evening/night outing and let me tell you it was extremely comfortable to wear and gave a really nice sort of dressy vibe to my plain jeans and sandals.

It held up pretty well all through the evening but I had to go with a sort of camisole underneath since I did not want to be showing off my bra straps.

CONS:

  • If you are not comfortable with a little cleavage on show you can wear a sort of sleeveless crop tank like I did here.
  • you can also add a lot of sauce to it

DJ Spinall-ess

five ways to style an oversized shirt:the sweetheart neck style

3. The backwards styled oversize shirt

Casual, comfy, really easy to wear and a little strip of back on show never hurt anybody. If I were to judge I would say so far this is my best style, with the off shoulder coming a close second (even with all its wahala).

I wore this around the house and out to see a friend and I really did not have any issues with it.

image from www.apairandaspare.com

Hacks:

Because I could not go out with a strip of back showing I wore a plain black camisole underneath. Viola I was ready to go!

4. Oversized shirt styled as a jacket

This is probably everyone’s favorite way of wearing an over-sized shirt. It simply shouts style, swag and a lazy kind of sauce.

5. Oversize shirt

Honestly wearing an oversize shirt just the way it is, with skinny jeans or shorts is so easy, slouchy and a really easy style hack. Just throw it on and you are good to go.

How would you style your oversize shirts? The traditional way or maybe something extra? Leave your thoughts as comments below, you know I love to hear from you. Xoxo loves.

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diary Entertainment Fashion Lifestyle

7 Blog Posts from This Year You Need To Read

www.lazytrendychic.com

If you are like me, you do a lot of binge reading (from fashion posts to lifestyle, to food)…. Most times I just go on a reading spree and catch up on all the posts from my favorite bloggers. These seven blog posts from early this year are those that I found so so relatable and ones that I know you would enjoy (or else why am I doing this #wink). So without further Ado, let us get right into it

  1. Ultimately you’re all alone by @mindofamaka

7 blog posts you should read

Let’s take a minute to appreciate how intrigued the title made me, I mean if @mindofamaka was not one of my favorite bloggers I would still have clicked on that link. @mindofamaka did not disappoint once I clicked on the link I was hooked till the end of the post and even then I just had to leave a comment.

This post was basically a sort of peek into her feelings and thoughts at a particularly rough time (sure we all have that once in a while). She highlighted the fact that ultimately we are all alone because honestly at the end of the day no one is going to have your back as much as you will. You and only you can fully grasp the magnitude of how down or depressed or frustrated you feel at any particular moment. What I loved most about this post is that she shared her story in the most relatable way possible and yet it still spoke to me, I mean I was crying towards the end of the post.

The truth is Life can be really rough at times but having posts like this can remind you that you are not alone and that all this will pass soon. I definitely highly recommend you read this blog post.

Click here to read.

 

  1. How to wear a Cami Top by @beenation_

Lately with the heat wave I know I am not the only one that has considered just smuggling myself on a plane and leaving Nigeria for those who want to roast us with heat #lol. This style post comes in handy and is totally a lifesaver because as for me I look for clothes that will not cause me to be sweating buckets of water. The Camisole is a vital fashion item that you should know how to style especially now, so that you can get away with wearing just a camisole and yet be looking all shades of stylish. I definitely loved the way she compiled the post and how the picture inspiration she gave is “bangdandandang”. This is surely one for the ladies.

(Click here to read)

 

  1. Side Chick Wars by @theculturefit

Hollup Guys!! Let’s keep all our civility for a minute and be ratchet… ‘Like Watagwan bruh if ya aint got ya finger on tha pulse of this series?!!!!’ (Pardon my Jamaican). This is my favorite of the favorite of the favorite blogs to follow. Let me just say #TeamTeni. Okay okay I’m sure you might be wondering what is she on about. So the side chick wars is a totally relatable, riveting, hilarious, down to earth tale about … yes ,you guessed right …… Wars between side chicks. I mean this is really juicy gist served on a platter. If it were a movie mehn, I would be glued to my TV set. Unfortunately the series just ended BUT she is alreadyhas another epic and so interesting story for us. I simply am addicted. Enough of my hyping, just click here to start reading and I promise you will be hooked.

 

  1. Everything you need to do to have a productive February by @dearsalmah_

Okay , so it’s no more February , I know, but this post is one you should read even next year. Every one wants to have a productive month but most times we do nothing to actually achieve that goal. Here @dearsalamah highlights a few key points on how to have a productive month. These key points are basically the holy grail of being on top of every month or year. From tips like start saving to hang out with like-minded people this post is filled with lots of knowledge we can use. After all no knowledge is wasted.

Click here to learn.

 

  1. 3 trends in one look by @thisthingcalledfashionn

Absolutely self-explanatory blog post title. I mean what kind of fashionista does not want to read a blog post on an outfit that combines three latest trends. Everyone definitely needs to read this, better late than never.

Click here.

 

  1. 3 reasons why slogan tees are a must have by @thesvnflwr

Justification for my obsession that is so not a secret? Hook me up ASAP!

I really could not have expressed why you should join me in obsessing over slogan tees any better than @thesvnflwr did. She simply killed it, made me a lot more in love and is waiting to convert souls to the movement.

Read this blog post here

 

  1. When friends turn monsters|tales of friendship and betrayal by @gyifted

Friendships and friends are a touchy subject for me. Sometimes your so called friends are the ones that stab you through the heart. So many times, we make the mistake of trusting the wrong friend and *boom* we end up hurt. @gyifted shares a few stories on friends turned monsters and betrayal and gives a few words of encouragement also. This post really spoke to me considering I just put up a post on this a few days ago. Check out the post from her here. You can also read my post on friendships plus an OOTD here.

 

I hope you enjoy these posts. Are there any posts you love? Why don’t you share in the comment section?

I have soooo sooo many more posts i would love to share with you. Drop a YES below if you want me to make another list of posts like         this one.

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corporate events Fashion other style

My Special Formula for Getting Dressed In 5 Minutes

get dressed in five minutes

 

How much time do you spend while dressing up? Luckily for me I concocted a special formula for getting dressed that takes five minutes so I can get some extra snooze time. Most of my friends spend so much time on dressing up while I catch some extra shut eye. Don’t get me wrong I can fall into this category too, sometimes I try on every outfit before deciding on the one I wore first. But because being short on time is a staple in my life (I like sleep too much) I had to become the fastest dresser. Without make up (I cannot do makeup) it takes me a maximum of 5 minutes to get dressed, and considering this is nothing short of a miracle for some I decided to share the deets.

the truth about friends and an ootd

CHOOSE YOUR OUTFIT

The first step is to decide what outfit you are in the mood for. This step would ideally be done the day before, but because I know myself and I know my people this should be done as soon as you are up. If you are like me and you like to stretch, while stretching pull up a visual of your wardrobe and mentally assemble your outfit. If you are not the stretching type, you can mentally prepare while in the shower. This will drastically eliminate the time you waste by standing in front of your closet and staring (Yes I know you do it).

Be sure to consider where you are going to pick comfortable and suitable clothes.

  • Make sure to stick to the basics. Remember you do not have enough time to pull off a complicated outfit. Basic color schemes and clothing items are best.
  • Having a WELL ORDERED WARDROBE does wonders for you throughout your “dressing like flash” process.

 

PICK OUT AND WEAR YOUR CLOTHES

After deciding what to wear, go to your wardrobe and see what you have to work with. If you have decided on what to wear- skirt and shirt/jeans and top/denim- pick out one of each and wear. Remember to stick to basic colors as it would help reduce the time spent on looking for matching bag, shoes and accessories.

NOTE: DO NOT STRAY FROM WHAT YOU HAVE DECIDED ON.

I know you could look into your wardrobe and a lovely dress would catch your eye after deciding on Denim. If you decide to switch, you would end up trying it on and then ditching it when you remember why you picked denim. OOPS!!! Suddenly you’ve spent 3 minutes trying and discarding a dress. Stick to the goal of getting dressed in 5 minutes.

At this point you probably have only about 2-3 minutes left and it’s time to turn a basic outfit into something stylish.

Just Like in food; Clothes are the basic Ingredients, Accessories are the Sauce. Click To Tweet

ADD A POP OF COLOUR

dressed

If you stuck to a basic color palette, then you might want to add a pop of color. You can add an extra clothing item like a jacket, scarf, beanie, beret while getting dressed. Now do not overdo it. Remember you are still going to accessorize and you do not want to end up looking like Christmas puked all over you. This is also where you can layer in style in case the weather is cold or its winter.

ACCESORIZE

dressed

I personally love this part because once I’m getting dressed, I immediately know what accessories to wear to downplay or spice up the outfit. Ideally though,stick with simple and chic accessories that take your outfit to Classy. Here are a few tips on accessories

  • Use a chain with tops that bare your neck

dressed

  • Big earrings make your outfit more chic

dressed

earrings from @anusignature

  • Small earrings scream understated, classy and professional

dressed

earrings from @jewelry_ave

  • Wear a watch
  • Bangles can take an outfit from plain old to fun and sassy.

STICK TO NEUTRAL COLOURED BAG AND SHOE

So you are basically dressed, and so as not to start another debate just stick to those shoes and bag that go with everything. The ones in basic colors like black or nude or brown. It will not leave you looking too plain because you have accessorized and you also won’t look like you are overdoing it.

Having given you the secret formula, here are a few most easily put together outfit for different occasions

   WHAT TO WEAR FOR DIFFERENT OCCASIONS

For Work

Pant trousers and a shirt

Accessories: Stud Earrings, wristwatch and heels or flats

For school

-Casual

Jeans and a top with sneakers/ballet flats

Accessories: Big earrings, wristwatch plus bangles

-Formal

Shirt and a Skirt plus ballet flats

Accessories: Big earrings, wristwatch and bracelet

For a women’s function

Skirt, chiffon top and heels

Accessories: Stud earrings, wristwatch and bangles (if you want)

For a Casual Outing

Denim on denim with a camisole plus sneakers/ballet flats

Accessories: Big earrings

dressed

photo credit for the flatlays: ME @ireprubies

 For a date

A Knee length dress (sundress/bodycon) with heels or ballet flats

Accessories: Big earrings, chain, wristwatch and a bracelet

 

You will spend a lot of time getting dressed at times. That is okay, because after all “Slaying is serious business”. Has my secret formula been helpful? Like the post and drop a comment if it has.

 

QUICK QUESTION

Do you think if I finally learn make up you would want to learn with me?? And how about a 10 minute max. Make up look?? Drop a comment and let me know what you think.

 

XOXO Rubies.

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Bants with Rubies

How to Be the Trendiest Cousin 101

cousins

Currently listening to May D – Soundtrack*

 

how to be the trendiest of cousins

Hey guys,

It’s a brand new day and I just want exams to be over and the summer holidays be here already. Do like this🙋 #hands up if you need a long vacation – to Cuba or the islands (if you have big dreams like me). Honestly, I need a camera, overnight summer body and lots of money to spend. Lol, what a dream.

During the Easter holidays, I stayed with my aunt and her kids (my cousins) for a few days. I tend to be a little reserved when meeting new people ( especially family) so I went there with the mindset that I might not totally vibe with them. Luckily for me, I was wrong and not only did I vibe with them, we also became so close in a short while. Even with all my cousins’ wahala, we still had a blast. When I was packing for the visit, I packed really casually thinking that there would be no outing, so that left me having to wear home clothes out with my cousins (oops!). P.S You never want to have to go out with home clothes.

Fortunately, my cousins love me for me and not my fashion sense #laugh .That is why, with great consultations with the ‘cousins’ I decided to make a post on how to be the trendiest Cousin ever. *works like a charm every time*

DRESS UP

Well, you definitely cannot be the trendiest cousin if you are not trendy. Your fashion sense has to be topnotch in person and on Instagram.The cousins will judge you based on how you look and your instagram feed. To totally crush this part, you have to have your finger on the pulse of all things fashion, from latest trends, to styling clothes, to lots trending clothes plus the awesome instagram feed. Simply put, be FASHION but don’t overdo it. You can check out my post on dressing up in 5 minutes and yet come out looking stylish HERE.

Be the cousin that no one is badder than. Click To Tweet

BE RELATABLE

Your cousins have to be able to relate with you or else all your dressing up will be in vain. Without you having a very easy, laidback and friendly relationship with your cousins, you will never be tagged the favorite. Your cousins have to be comfortable with you, chill with you, discuss latest trends, gossip, and their other interests and even gist you about their lives. This is the part that guarantees you the tag “favorite cousin”. This plus good fashion choices and you’re good to go.

BUY YOUR COUSINS STUFF (Lots of stuff)

Singing *money makes the world go round, money makes the world go round*

To quote my darling cousin (note that he is just 15, like whaaaattttt?!), ‘if you don’t buy us stuff then what exactly are you our favorite for?’ .My friends also fully support the motion by saying ‘an uncle/aunt that does not give you things, is that one and aunt/uncle?’. The bottom line is get them things, you do not need to go above board but the occasional top or jeans or shades or even money and credit will firmly secure your place in their minds.

I personally have a favorite uncle and while He is not my favorite because of money it doesn’t hurt either that he cares to send me things once in a while. I definitely did not even touch this part with my cousins though, I remember them telling me to get a ‘rich boyfriend’ so I would be able to take them out. Needless to say , I chased them round the house once they said that but we ended up laughing about it anyway.

Moral of the story: If you no get money hide your face.

BE YOURSELF, BE REAL

This part is easily the most important, because it really doesn’t matter if you are loaded to the heavens, dress hotter than the Kardashians and are as relatable as SpongeBob to kids, if you are not yourself it will show. Your personality is why people or cousins in this instance should like you. If you act fake, your cousins will fake an attitude to you too and there is no way you would be their favorite that way.

You really should not keep up an act (I’m sure that would be exhausting anyway). Make sure you are real and everything else will fall into place.

With all these tips, you’ll soon have the title of “favorite most fashionable cousin/sibling/family member”. I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it for you.

Till next time,

XOXO Rubies.

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My Stranger

him

Luckily for me he told me earlier that we were going out. It’s the first weekend in months that I’d had anywhere to go.

I was happy not really because of the outing but because the less time I spent with him indoors, the better – I was already feeling pressured even though he repeatedly told me he had no expectations.

Here I was sitting at a bar alone waiting for him when I noticed there was a guy sitting next to me. I looked at him noticing that his lips (just the perfect size) were crooked up in a sort of one sided smile and his eyes were on me. His cologne filled the air and I felt a tensing in my belly as I inhaled the utterly delicious scent.

‘Have I seen you before?’ he asked

‘Have you?’ I reply a slight smile on my face

‘Yes, I have. You are the angel from my dreams’ he says with a rueful smile on his face

I burst into laughter while miming slow clapping ‘that line is so corny it should not work but with that self-depreciating smile on your face, somehow it does.’

Really smiling now, he turns to fully face me and instantly I know I would never have a problem trying to remember his face.

‘Who are you here with?’

‘… My boyfriend…’

But he hears he question in my voice and his eyes let me know it’s okay.

‘Who are you here with?’ I ask

‘A girl’ is his reply and I can hear all the unspoken messages he’s trying to tell me.

‘Here is my personal number’ he says tapping a number on the card ‘call me sometime, it is totally up to you’

Taking the card, I turn it over and ask for a pen. He gives me one and I write my phone number down on it. Capping the pen, I hand them both back to him.

‘I have made my choice. There is my number you call me….’ ‘But only if you want to…’ I add

I can see the tension leave his shoulders and he smiles at me as he stands up to leave. He leaves just as abruptly as he came but not before I feel the feather light touch of his fingers trail a short distance over my bare shoulders. I smile because he gets that too, that I needed touch to assure me that this is reality.

Finally, I see my boyfriend walking toward me with the food I asked for and I’m wondering how suddenly all the butterflies are gone.

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Life & Style

Life Lessons I learnt From Reading My Old Diary

life lessons from old diary

A Diary is a book full of your hopes, dreams, secrets and life lessons.

life

Keeping a Diary was the second thing I was dedicated to in high school. My Diary was my bestie (You can see why I did not have a real bestie HERE) and my confidante, it held basically everything about my life and the lessons I learned in it. After I had people steal and read my first diary ever, I made sure the next diary had a lock.

For me junior school is sort of a blur, it was all about getting good grades and following the rules. By the time I got to SS2 however, I realized that I barely remembered anything about junior school. Determined to change that I made sure to change up my habits and have fun. A few weeks ago though, I came across my diaries and I sat down and went through them again. It took a while but reading the diaries really opened my eyes and put a lot of things in perspective. Here are a few life lessons I want to share with you that I learned from reading my diaries again.

  • Live Life to the fullest so you do not have regrets.

One thing I do regret about secondary school is the fact that I did not open up fast. While reading my diary I discovered that going to the hostel in Jss3 saw a particular incident that caused a change in my behavior. After deciding to actually live , I then began to see life in color, have fun, make memories – sad, happy, fun and somber. Truthfully this life lesson may seem like one that is a given. Unfortunately, you would be surprised at how many people are going through life with grey colored glasses on. From the moment I decided to actually live, I began to make memoirs. Looking back now, the memories I have are mainly of those final days in school.

A life worth living is one worth living well. Click To Tweet

  • Do not be too hasty to call it love

Limerence – Infatuated love

Throughout high school, I did not date anyone not because I did not want to but because I was convinced that I had met the love of my life. Reading this in my diary was both embarrassing, funny and sad at once. While reading I began to try to pinpoint one reason why I decided I was in love with him and I still cannot find one. I was totally infatuated with him (and the laugh lines around his eyes). I was so sure he was the one that I decided to wait around till he was ready to date me. Unfortunately for me, after wasting a lot of time I finally pulled up the courage to talk to him only to get a good dose of reality and heartbreak.

Reading through this I once again felt a sort of replica of the pain I was going through. Seeing how much I cried after dedicating so much time and my fragile emotions into him was heartbreaking and freeing at the same time. After suffering heartbreak, I turned my thoughts to revenge (how to make him pay) and even that eventually fizzled out. Now I realize that the life lesson I should have held on to from that is the fact that you cannot make anyone love you.

It was really not love, but at the time I would have bet a lot on the fact that we would end up married with kids and a great life. I had big dreams, and now I know those dreams will still be reality but this time with the right person.

‘Easy O, Jeje’ don’t be so fast to call it love. Click To Tweet

  • You have to embrace Change (that is how you grow)

Embracing change is not so easy. Going into secondary school I was a quiet, jaded girl who had been through lots of family issues and I had walls of reinforced steel around myself. Leaving high school, I had drastically changed into a more jovial, still cautious but happier girl.

The day in Jss3 when my life changed started as any other with me minding my business, keeping to myself. I had joined the hostel two weeks prior but I still kept sitting where I used to in class instead of with the ‘boarders’ (what students in the hostel were called). On this day one of my hostel mates – Nike – got angry at the fact that I refused to associate with them. She cruelly embarrassed me in front of the other boarders. She called me all sorts of names including cry baby and little girl and basically told me I was afraid of everything. Her words made me run to the top floor and hide there, crying all day.

One of my sort of friends at the time found me there and comforted me. During this I realized that even though she was cruel and mean in the way she said the words to me, she was actually right. I had been so concerned with protecting myself that I did too good a job in cutting myself off from people.

That was the turning point. From then, I began to open myself up one step at a time till it became second nature to me to be like that. No change is easy, but it almost always leads to a better version of you.

  • No matter how bad it is, it will always get better.

Even in secondary school, I went through some ups and downs that seemed almost insurmountable. After reading my diary, I said a quick thank you to God for how far I have come now. No matter how bad it gets, it can always get better is the life lesson I took away from this.

Lord I’m blinded by your grace. Click To Tweet

  • You will get finer and dress better

You definitely will #winks. I see my throwback pictures and Lord! Lord! I thank you for where I am now. That is not to say I was not cute, because I was. But then again, they are called throwback pictures for a reason.

Here is the only throwback picture I can release with peace of mind #laughs.

There are a lot more lessons I have learnt from reading my diary again and I would love to share more with you.So if you would love to read more of this comment YES down below.

Have you ever had a diary or kept a journal?

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Bants with Rubies Life & Style

Gym-scapedes: Week 1

gym escapedes

‘I say I’m badder than, all of you, all of you…. Actually I gym more than some of you, some of you’

Wearing my favorite pair of black stretchy legging (from @dkhay_empire) and my neon green sports bra under a black tank top with sneakers on and ear buds in and jamming to Davido’s all of you. I was feeling all fly and shii because I was on my way to the gym.

gym escapedes

I was all up in my baby girl for life mood the first day I hit the gym and started my journey into the world of fitness. Two weeks in and I’m no longer walking to the gym like I’m going for a fashion show, now I am either tired to my bones or I’m psyched and ready to feel the pain and own it.You are wondering how I got to that stage abi? Let me tell you the story.

How my Gym vibes changed

For the first three days, I would hit the gym with my ‘lazier than I am’ friend and my ‘gym addicted’ housemate. I and my ‘Lazier friend ‘would be trained by the instructor and he would give us basic exercises to do that to me were not unreasonable. My lazier friend though would complain and I would join her because ‘why I go wan look like oversabi?’

After all the gyming oo, I would then go home and be lamenting in my mind because I did not feel sore or a lot different. Okurr. Then things changed.

The week after I had crazy class schedules that would see me walking home exhausted about 4pm and I would still have to hit the gym that evening. My wonderful friend did not even just bother to show her face (aunty haff tire) and Uncle Gym addicted house mate found a new hobby (biko why now? Better reset your brain to default settings ooo). So imagine me, baby girl for life mood don ‘run away’, contemplating the wahala I put myself into ooo just because I want to wear crop top. In fact was I blind when I was eating all the food and it was storing in my stomach? #crying emoji. That’s when my gym instructor now decided to switch up his game on me, like ‘did I offend you before sir?’

Gym wahala

This fateful day sha, I went to the gym jejely and I was stressed ehn.Luckily for me, after about two minutes I saw my gym crush coming, Thank you Jesus ooo see motivation. Mr. Crush came in greeted the few of us in the gym and proceeded to take off his shirt ‘Can I get a hallelujah somebody?!!!!!’ If you see me drooling that day ehn, I produced the rivers of water from my mouth.

gym escapedes

That was when the gym instructor interrupted the fantasy of my hands and those chiseled abs to tell me to join some other ladies being trained by one guy. I was about to vex, I mean he just interrupted my fantasy until I saw that the guy that was training too was a fine boy.

The heavens are smiling upon me today. So I moved over and joined them in the stretches as they were just starting. We started with touching out toes while sitting with your head touching your knee and the other leg folded (please when I am not a gymnast, my head dinnur touch my knee oo).

gym

Next we moved on to other stretches including the child pose and then he gave us the last one that caused gobe.in my mind I was nau wondering is this one stretching too???

gym escapedes

 

That’s when my crush decided to speak up ‘Ahan, no wonder you will go from 8 to 8 on top of somebody’s child. Brother take it easy na.’ In my mind I kuku agreed, it’s their type that will kill somebody’s child , but what is my own let me stretch my stretch in peace.

The trainer then replied my crush “it is good now, but I met you in the business oo, my own 8 to 8 is your foreplay”

gym escapedes

FUNKEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kuku kill me o because of working out

All this one o we were still holding the stretch position. Finally we finished stretching and moved on to real abdominal exercises. Remember I said I used to lament because I was not doing enough? Omo by the second exercise I knew that Na to just die here remain ooo.

gym escapedes

Me that I was forming BOSS before, I began to confess to myself oo ‘I shall not die but live to see another gym day’ can I get an AMEN!!!!

From leg raise, to flutter kicks, to crunches, to inverse crunches to Russian twist it was a serious matter. After 74years we finally finished. I just collapsed on my mat like no, I just got back from a 100year trek in the desert without water (Sense wee not kill me abeg).

Can you now imagine that as me I lay on the workout mat panting, our superwoman now stood up rejuvenated and went on to do squats with 30kg weights #it is well.

gym escapedes

I just jejely packed up my load ooo and hobbled to my house. I was sure that I would barely be able to get out of bed the next morning.

As long as we live to see anther gym day sha.

Here are a few tips to help you get through week one of the gym:

  1. Dress comfortably . Dont be like me oo ,the gym is not a place to go and find ozzband biko so dont dress like that.
  2. it is not easy!!!!Dont assume it is easy, go prepared to work your ass off . It looks easy but all na scam.
  3. Make sure to eat well, Diet as i have been told is 90% of the workout.

Don’t forget to like, comment, share and keep up with me on social media. Till next week loves

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diary Lifestyle

Reality of Friendships plus OOTD

the truth about friends

Friendships and friends can be the safest part of reality for a person and yet can also be the place that brings one the most pain and heart break.

“Best friend: A person who you choose to put your heart, soul and secrets in trust with.

The one person who even though may not be blood related to you

can be your pillar when all else fails and has the power to rip your heart out easily”

Back in primary school, I had a bestie that I did everything with – eat, play, we even had the primary school crush on brothers because anything else was just unacceptable. Everything was as fine as fine can be and my little innocent heart thrived on the friendship (being an only child I was alone a lot), until one day I got to school and found that everyone in my class were avoiding me and staring a little more than usual. Luckily for me (as a fine chubby head  girl) I never pulled the ‘Queen Bee’ stunt on my mates so it was not long till someone came up to me and told me that my so-called  bestie announced to the whole class that I was a witch. Did I hear you say what?!!! Now imagine my shock.

Yhup the wonderful beastie – what I started calling her after, understood the fact that at that time even as young as we all were we knew that being a witch was a bad thing and that the rumor would isolate me from the class and probably the whole school.  That was my first taste of betrayal and I knew I would not give her the pleasure of crying in her presence, so I proceeded to go about my day as normal. But as soon as I left school I burst into tears and cried all the way home.

My mum came to school the next day and made her take back her words but it had already made an impression on my young heart, and I knew then that I really did not want to feel like that ever again. Needless to say I did have close friends but never a best friend ever again. Friendships in reality are a bed of roses but then again even roses have thorns. The good friends have your back through thick and thin, good and bad and the bad ones unfortunately leave a scar.

“Twenty friends cannot play together for twenty years” Click To Tweet

You know the kind of friends that you meet and you just click and suddenly they are the first person you think of when something happens? Yes, the friends that get you so much but then someway, somehow as fast as you clicked you begin to drift apart and no matter how much or how hard you hold on it just won’t be the same again. I have had so many friends like that and honestly I am grateful for all of them. Some friends , as perfect as they might be are just for a time .As much as it might hurt not to talk to them again the memories of how beautiful it was while we were together would always be in our hearts.

A friend that stays at your ugliest, is a friend forever. Click To Tweet

Even as there are bad friends that leave a mark, there are also the good ones. I have friends of the opposite sex and same sex who when I was having issues were my strength. There was this particular time when I misplaced my wallet. I just came back to school from home with five thousand naira after serious hustling.

Somehow I misplaced my wallet but did not notice till hours later. I was confused, frustrated, crying and angry. Out of anger, I left my hostel and just kept walking. I then picked a bike to one of my friend’s apartment (which he paid for). Seeing my face and appearance (I looked crazy) he asked what was wrong and I tearfully told him the story. I remember him hugging me and making jest of my look.He then took me to the ATM gave me five thousand naira and took me out to eat.

It might seem like nothing but instances like this are what make you know how true your friend is. Emotionally, Physically, Financially, Academically friends are supposed to lift each other up. What kind of friend are you? What kind of friend do you have?

Outfit Of The Day

the truth about friends and an ootd

 

I am wearing leggings and a crop top and my new favourite sneakers because the best way to live is to love yourself first and be your own best friend first before you can then be another person’s. Complete yourself so that anybody else will add to you just as you will add to them.

I talked about loving  yourself and your body on my new post on “My thoughts:on the Thick trend” go and check it out.

On some level I do know I am sort of scared of being labelled “the witch” again but what is life without risk? So I will complete myself and open my heart to friends who will add to me as I will add to them.

*Looks up from writing to see the lecturer still talking. Goes back to writing*

Tell me…. Who is your best friend?

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