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Slut for what: The Anti Movement

Slut

slʌt/

noun

derogatory
                 A woman who has many casual sexual partners.
Have you ever been so mad at being judged without  even doing whatever you were accused of? well add embarrassment and a derogatory view of you by even those who do not know you and thats how you feel when called a “slut”.  In this century, 75% of relationships contain sex , and 15%  of the rest have pressure for sex in them or some form of alternative sexual activity. Imagine a lady ,that dates about 7 guys before she finds her husband. Let’s note that she probably will have sex with five(5) of the seven (7) guys while in a relationship with them and some form of sexual activity with the other two. Thats not to say that people don’t date without sex but with the amount of pressure on social media , and in our society its a very low percentage that copes without sex. So tell me , that lady is a slut by society’s standards isn’t she?
     Let’s move past those that actually monitor another person’s sex life to those who decide your tag as a ‘ slut’ or ‘a hoe’ . Their parameters include your attire, what you say or most inane of all , your instagram or social media feed.

             What makes a person a slut?

slut : the anti movement

        Apparently in our society , you have to be a female for the term slut/hoe to be a derogatoy term. In true double standard fashion, it is perfectly respectable for a male to be a slut or a hoe. The male species seems to even be more revered when they are called terms like this. That is why , it is okay for a guy to go about having sex with every tom , dick and harry with no consequences and yet it is the ladies that end up being called sluts?
        Lets think about this logically , blaming a mutual activity on a person gives that person a higher level of responsibility therefore making me draw the conclusion that society assumes the girl child is more intellectually developed than the male child. Yet a man would be the first to argue that they assume a sort of protector role in the relationship. Isn’t it socially accepted for the protector to take responsibility? or am i mistaking my societal rules?
     If you wear certain attires that expose more than people consider appropriate , you will be called a slut. I have even experienced an instance on social media where a married lady was called a slut because of her make up. I mean that is just plain ridiculous, you would agree with me.

            Why society calls you a slut?

  1. You’re a female
  2. because you are different and they do not understand how that is possible
  3. especially when you wear fashionable outfits and dare to look bangin’ in them
  4. or when you dare to express your sexuality .( I mean its simply not done for you to expect good sex or talk about it)
  5. infact when you are a confident Boss Lady and are completely goal oriented
  6. because society is full of judgemental ignorant fools, thats  why.

What calling a person a slut says about you

      It is really stupid for you to judge a person when we all sinning. We all have our skeletons , and it would be hypocritical to call another person a sinner. Remember you are a sinner too, just for another sin. And yes, that includes you guys who make it your hobby to break up marriages because you apparently slept with the soon -to-be-wife. Like your wife has not been bedded by someone else. I refuse to accept that it is okay for him to be praised for being active sexually and yet the same guy can expects me to be a virgin (untouched ) in every sense before i can be considered marriageable material. It’s not okay that males can be so far removed from the concept of being chaste and discerning in their sexual life that it seems like acient babble to them when i  as a female have to adhere strictly to the rules or suffer the demeaning concequences that come with being tagged a slut.
           Funny enough, one would think that  a female would be one to shun this tag completely for her fellows.           Unfortunately the opposite is true. In fact it is the females that are the first to take up the banner and stigmatize another. I mean does jealousy or envy justify such a derogatory term ? What happened to the lifting other females up and fixing each others crowns?  A casual ‘oh she gets around a lot’ here and another ‘ oh i wont say shes a slut but she has sex with many people’ there. Soon people begin to see her in a different light with the occassional name calling and back talk.

        Let’s talk about the trolls and religious fanatics

slut : the anti movement

Most of those who have the time to troll other people and appoint themselves judge and jury over another are usually jobless. Doesn’t that say something more about the person that calls you a slut than you, who is being called a slut ?  I have noticed that most times when people see someone who is completely confident in her sexuality , the response of weak people is to fall back to slut- shaming.

    If you decide to come for me from the religious aspect, i am sure whether you are a christian or muslim that no where in both religious books did it state that you should go ahead and judge anybody by your standards. Infact, as a christian i will call your attention to the part in the bible that  says “Judge not that ye shall not be judged”

Matthew 7:1-20

King James Version (KJV)

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you againAnd why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Now that that has been established, why dont we all just simply stop hiding behind things like religion, culture, morals and simply just mind our buisness.

Justifying rape because she is a Slut

slut : the anti movement

In case you don’t know , tagging a female a slut does not just stop there. It has a rebound effect. If that lady gets raped it is 90% your fault. Sure there is no excuse for rape. But I have heard situations where a lady has been tagged a slut and one guy decides to taste too . He probably approaches her and she turns him down. He is furious because well she has “loose morals “ how can she say no. So he rationalizes that she wants him to force her. He then goes on to rape her.

Can you see how keeping your mouth shut and minding your business would have helped? That aside slut or not, how can a person justify rape? I mean there is simply no excuse. Whatever she wears or says or does does not make it okay to force her. I mean you can always just look away. Rape is NOT and will NEVER be the “victims” fault.

Anybody that blames a female for being raped and tags her a slut or hoe after is sick and I just hope that person never experiences rape.

If you can’t tell this is an issue that really gets to me. I mean if a lady chooses to use her body to help her make ends meet I’m sure it wasn’t her 1st choice. You who decided to judge her , how much have you contributed to her life? The truth is most times people that judge others are guilty of worse. If you cannot help her , and you cannot ask her to help you then sit your ass down and face your life. How does bringing another down help you is a question I continue to ask myself.

A world without the tag ‘SLUT’

girl power

Imagine a world where the female code was not only for rep sake on social media but was actually a code that we lived our lives by.         Just think, a world filled with Queens that lifted each other up. A world where Kings let go of the irrelevant things and focused on building an empire. That’s the world i want to be in, that’s the world that would be worth living in. I refuse to believe that me talking about this would not make a difference. I have joined the band wagon for change, no matter how little an impact this makes it will still somehow help us get the change we want.

A friend told me to not bother myself about it, it’s just the way society is and it will not change in this generation, he said. No matter, i still add my little drop to the puddle of water, someday it will become an ocean.

Ladies, be confident, know yourselves, help each other, take a stand for change. Let the revolution start with you !!!!!!

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Fashion

5 Ways to Style an oversize shirt (plus real life reviews)

The styling of oversize shirts is a trend I have totally wanted to try over time. From blogs like apairandaspare I gathered lots of styles to try and overtime I tried them out one by one. So this is a blog post on how to style oversize or even just long sleeved shirts. The fact that I can pick an oversize shirt and wear it in a different way for every day of the week if I want is definitely something to ease the mind.

Here are the styles:

1. The off shoulder styled oversize shirt

5 ways to style your oversized shirt: the off shouldr style
5 ways to style an oversized shirt: the off shoulder style

I tried this shirt style out for a full day. It totally made me feel a lot less hot on that sunny day with my shoulders bare and it also definitely added some sexy to my basic outfit.

That aside there are a few cons you should most probably put into consideration, if you want to rock this style.

CONS:

  • Never ever ever try this one when you are going on a ferry.During the course of my full day wearing this off shoulder oversized shirt style, I had to go on a ferry and did I hear you say ‘Wardrobe malfunction!!!!’ Because of the wind, the sleeves slipped off one shoulder and I had to keep drawing them back up and adjusting it stylishly under the life jacket. Imagine all that wahala on a shirt ooo.
  • You have to be extra cautious when you board a yellow Lagos bus and sit beside a woman with a hyper kid. I happened to sit beside a lady with this cute but super hyper and playful kid. She kept pulling on my shirt sleeve but because she was cute I could not give her the stern face.I just had to deal with the constant tugging on my shirt sleeve till I got down from the bus.

Apart from these few cons, it’s a perfectly casual and stylish way to rock your oversize shirt .make sure to tuck it in well though and experiment with different ways of wearing it.

2. The sweetheart neckline styled shirt

five ways to style an oversized shirt

This way of styling an over-sized shirt is sort of my favorite. I wore this out for a late evening/night outing and let me tell you it was extremely comfortable to wear and gave a really nice sort of dressy vibe to my plain jeans and sandals.

It held up pretty well all through the evening but I had to go with a sort of camisole underneath since I did not want to be showing off my bra straps.

CONS:

  • If you are not comfortable with a little cleavage on show you can wear a sort of sleeveless crop tank like I did here.
  • you can also add a lot of sauce to it

DJ Spinall-ess

five ways to style an oversized shirt:the sweetheart neck style

3. The backwards styled oversize shirt

Casual, comfy, really easy to wear and a little strip of back on show never hurt anybody. If I were to judge I would say so far this is my best style, with the off shoulder coming a close second (even with all its wahala).

I wore this around the house and out to see a friend and I really did not have any issues with it.

image from www.apairandaspare.com

Hacks:

Because I could not go out with a strip of back showing I wore a plain black camisole underneath. Viola I was ready to go!

4. Oversized shirt styled as a jacket

This is probably everyone’s favorite way of wearing an over-sized shirt. It simply shouts style, swag and a lazy kind of sauce.

5. Oversize shirt

Honestly wearing an oversize shirt just the way it is, with skinny jeans or shorts is so easy, slouchy and a really easy style hack. Just throw it on and you are good to go.

How would you style your oversize shirts? The traditional way or maybe something extra? Leave your thoughts as comments below, you know I love to hear from you. Xoxo loves.

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Bants with Seyi

Single in 9ja: the F code to why you are still single

     
Imagine my 15 year old cousin making fun of the fact that i am still a single pringle. Yes o!If you follow me on IG and have me on whatsapp you have probably seen this on my status/story. I will keep saying it though because it touched the bottom of my junk-food filled belly. If you happen to be single like me and have friends that any little thing its ‘lovey-dovey’ time , you kow how pained i am.
          Last week i went with my aunt @kemisolamoradeyo who is a relationship counselor to an event.On the way back in the taxify cab we started up a conversation about Davido and Chioma (i will just skip that part because if i start to talk ehn…)
      Anyways , we (i, my aunt and the taxify driver) began to discuss relationships and what men want from a lady. (maybe i’ll do a blog post on that from my aunts point of view). Now this talk was long and it moved from one topic to another. The driver supported the fact that my aunt said that no man right now wants a lady who does not have a job or a business of interest. He went further to give an example of a lady who he was dating  that spends 2 days learning tailoring and the rest partying.  A 29 year old lady who will travel from Illorin to Lagos to party. – picture me with my mouth open here because it just sounded like a Nollywood movie script.
        That aside , we then began to discuss ladies and guys who are single and yet are good-looking and well set up with a job/business. That was the conversation that inspired this post.
        If youre younger and you feel like this post is for the older ones,think again and if you are older and think this post is for the younger ones,you got it all wrong.
Serving it to you straight here is the F code to why you (we) are still single
  • You’re not putting your best foot foward

      Our generation is the ‘Slay Age’ as my aunt calls it and its a really apt description. I mean, there are times i see a 13 year old on instagram and i know that on IG she simply blows me out if the water. So tell me why when there are younger teens with the best dress sense ever , you now decide to use the most blurry unflattering picture ever as your dp. In as much as i am 10005% on this table that i am shaking and a devout supporter of the “lazy’ type of style, make sure your lazy is chic too. Starting this brand ‘Lazytrendychic’ is as much for my benefit as it is for yours, this blog has motivated me to dress better and make an effort (still lazy but well #shrug emoji).
        The fact is dressing lazy is not bad as long as it is lazy and chic. One thing my aunt said stuck with me. She said if she takes her kid son to the mall to pick a toy, he is automatically drawn to the shiny, prettily packaged toys first. This she related to both men and ladies. No matter how non-materialistic you are you still are drawn to appearances . So if you are drawn to fine nicely dressed guys , how come you ignore the fact that this applies to you too.
Dress up to feed your ego darlings. Do it for you!
  •          Ditch your ‘Dream Man’ fixation

     Eyyyyy! before you all come for me , i am not saying you lower your standards! For no reason at all should you lower your standards. Now lets be honest here, we all know that our dream men posess qualities that are just simply outrageous/ridiculous. I mean you find a fine bobo , 6’2 tall, good behaviour and just because your dream man has six packs and he doesn’t you say no. Pssst! take it from me, your villagers are at work. Hopefully las las its not a midget aunty will marry.
     On a more serious note though, we all need to re-evaluate and formulate more realistic expectations. Remember that at the end of the day, all you need is someone that makes you genuinely happy.
  • Break Free of your past

    There is a catch phrase coined by my continuously mentioned aunt that just explains this point for me .
“Shenk the Sheges”
        Dear darling girl or guy, you are out of that relationship for a reason. You cannot keep carrying a torch for your ex. In case you were not aware,everyone gives off a vibe subconsiously. No matter how much you want to get back into the game, without leaving the past behind you will keep giving off an unapproachable vibe to people interested in you.
your ex , in  this case is the ‘shege’. You need to Shenk – ditch the Shege– bad luggage.
    Plus , we all should be careful what kind of vibe we give off and we should also be doubly careful to not completely judge by the vibe a person gives off. It may all be in your head, so you gotta try to know for sure, Shikena.
  • You just don’t give a f#ck

        Pardon the obscene word  but honestly , those on this table just know themselves. If you fall into this category just smile to yourself. All i can say is Do your make up… or not ,dress up, go out and make the cash while having fun. When its the right time , the right guy will find you.  Remember this tips for later.
       Do not forget to like and comment guys. Plus share to every one you know and those you don’t. You can also follow me on IG @ireprubies and turn on post notifications to know when there is a new blog post. I try to post at  least once a week but ideally twice (Tuesday and Saturday).
 signing out, XOXO.
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corporate events Fashion other style

My Special Formula for Getting Dressed In 5 Minutes

get dressed in five minutes

 

How much time do you spend while dressing up? Luckily for me I concocted a special formula for getting dressed that takes five minutes so I can get some extra snooze time. Most of my friends spend so much time on dressing up while I catch some extra shut eye. Don’t get me wrong I can fall into this category too, sometimes I try on every outfit before deciding on the one I wore first. But because being short on time is a staple in my life (I like sleep too much) I had to become the fastest dresser. Without make up (I cannot do makeup) it takes me a maximum of 5 minutes to get dressed, and considering this is nothing short of a miracle for some I decided to share the deets.

the truth about friends and an ootd

CHOOSE YOUR OUTFIT

The first step is to decide what outfit you are in the mood for. This step would ideally be done the day before, but because I know myself and I know my people this should be done as soon as you are up. If you are like me and you like to stretch, while stretching pull up a visual of your wardrobe and mentally assemble your outfit. If you are not the stretching type, you can mentally prepare while in the shower. This will drastically eliminate the time you waste by standing in front of your closet and staring (Yes I know you do it).

Be sure to consider where you are going to pick comfortable and suitable clothes.

  • Make sure to stick to the basics. Remember you do not have enough time to pull off a complicated outfit. Basic color schemes and clothing items are best.
  • Having a WELL ORDERED WARDROBE does wonders for you throughout your “dressing like flash” process.

 

PICK OUT AND WEAR YOUR CLOTHES

After deciding what to wear, go to your wardrobe and see what you have to work with. If you have decided on what to wear- skirt and shirt/jeans and top/denim- pick out one of each and wear. Remember to stick to basic colors as it would help reduce the time spent on looking for matching bag, shoes and accessories.

NOTE: DO NOT STRAY FROM WHAT YOU HAVE DECIDED ON.

I know you could look into your wardrobe and a lovely dress would catch your eye after deciding on Denim. If you decide to switch, you would end up trying it on and then ditching it when you remember why you picked denim. OOPS!!! Suddenly you’ve spent 3 minutes trying and discarding a dress. Stick to the goal of getting dressed in 5 minutes.

At this point you probably have only about 2-3 minutes left and it’s time to turn a basic outfit into something stylish.

Just Like in food; Clothes are the basic Ingredients, Accessories are the Sauce. Click To Tweet

ADD A POP OF COLOUR

dressed

If you stuck to a basic color palette, then you might want to add a pop of color. You can add an extra clothing item like a jacket, scarf, beanie, beret while getting dressed. Now do not overdo it. Remember you are still going to accessorize and you do not want to end up looking like Christmas puked all over you. This is also where you can layer in style in case the weather is cold or its winter.

ACCESORIZE

dressed

I personally love this part because once I’m getting dressed, I immediately know what accessories to wear to downplay or spice up the outfit. Ideally though,stick with simple and chic accessories that take your outfit to Classy. Here are a few tips on accessories

  • Use a chain with tops that bare your neck

dressed

  • Big earrings make your outfit more chic

dressed

earrings from @anusignature

  • Small earrings scream understated, classy and professional

dressed

earrings from @jewelry_ave

  • Wear a watch
  • Bangles can take an outfit from plain old to fun and sassy.

STICK TO NEUTRAL COLOURED BAG AND SHOE

So you are basically dressed, and so as not to start another debate just stick to those shoes and bag that go with everything. The ones in basic colors like black or nude or brown. It will not leave you looking too plain because you have accessorized and you also won’t look like you are overdoing it.

Having given you the secret formula, here are a few most easily put together outfit for different occasions

   WHAT TO WEAR FOR DIFFERENT OCCASIONS

For Work

Pant trousers and a shirt

Accessories: Stud Earrings, wristwatch and heels or flats

For school

-Casual

Jeans and a top with sneakers/ballet flats

Accessories: Big earrings, wristwatch plus bangles

-Formal

Shirt and a Skirt plus ballet flats

Accessories: Big earrings, wristwatch and bracelet

For a women’s function

Skirt, chiffon top and heels

Accessories: Stud earrings, wristwatch and bangles (if you want)

For a Casual Outing

Denim on denim with a camisole plus sneakers/ballet flats

Accessories: Big earrings

dressed

photo credit for the flatlays: ME @ireprubies

 For a date

A Knee length dress (sundress/bodycon) with heels or ballet flats

Accessories: Big earrings, chain, wristwatch and a bracelet

 

You will spend a lot of time getting dressed at times. That is okay, because after all “Slaying is serious business”. Has my secret formula been helpful? Like the post and drop a comment if it has.

 

QUICK QUESTION

Do you think if I finally learn make up you would want to learn with me?? And how about a 10 minute max. Make up look?? Drop a comment and let me know what you think.

 

XOXO Rubies.

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Bants with Seyi

How to Be the Trendiest Cousin 101

cousins
Currently listening to May D – Soundtrack*

 

how to be the trendiest of cousins

Hey guys,

It’s a brand new day and I just want exams to be over and the summer holidays be here already. Do like this🙋 #hands up if you need a long vacation – to Cuba or the islands (if you have big dreams like me). Honestly, I need a camera, overnight summer body and lots of money to spend. Lol, what a dream.

During the Easter holidays, I stayed with my aunt and her kids (my cousins) for a few days. I tend to be a little reserved when meeting new people ( especially family) so I went there with the mindset that I might not totally vibe with them. Luckily for me, I was wrong and not only did I vibe with them, we also became so close in a short while. Even with all my cousins’ wahala, we still had a blast. When I was packing for the visit, I packed really casually thinking that there would be no outing, so that left me having to wear home clothes out with my cousins (oops!). P.S You never want to have to go out with home clothes.

Fortunately, my cousins love me for me and not my fashion sense #laugh .That is why, with great consultations with the ‘cousins’ I decided to make a post on how to be the trendiest Cousin ever. *works like a charm every time*

DRESS UP

Well, you definitely cannot be the trendiest cousin if you are not trendy. Your fashion sense has to be topnotch in person and on Instagram.The cousins will judge you based on how you look and your instagram feed. To totally crush this part, you have to have your finger on the pulse of all things fashion, from latest trends, to styling clothes, to lots trending clothes plus the awesome instagram feed. Simply put, be FASHION but don’t overdo it. You can check out my post on dressing up in 5 minutes and yet come out looking stylish HERE.

Be the cousin that no one is badder than. Click To Tweet

BE RELATABLE

Your cousins have to be able to relate with you or else all your dressing up will be in vain. Without you having a very easy, laidback and friendly relationship with your cousins, you will never be tagged the favorite. Your cousins have to be comfortable with you, chill with you, discuss latest trends, gossip, and their other interests and even gist you about their lives. This is the part that guarantees you the tag “favorite cousin”. This plus good fashion choices and you’re good to go.

BUY YOUR COUSINS STUFF (Lots of stuff)

Singing *money makes the world go round, money makes the world go round*

To quote my darling cousin (note that he is just 15, like whaaaattttt?!), ‘if you don’t buy us stuff then what exactly are you our favorite for?’ .My friends also fully support the motion by saying ‘an uncle/aunt that does not give you things, is that one and aunt/uncle?’. The bottom line is get them things, you do not need to go above board but the occasional top or jeans or shades or even money and credit will firmly secure your place in their minds.

I personally have a favorite uncle and while He is not my favorite because of money it doesn’t hurt either that he cares to send me things once in a while. I definitely did not even touch this part with my cousins though, I remember them telling me to get a ‘rich boyfriend’ so I would be able to take them out. Needless to say , I chased them round the house once they said that but we ended up laughing about it anyway.

Moral of the story: If you no get money hide your face.

BE YOURSELF, BE REAL

This part is easily the most important, because it really doesn’t matter if you are loaded to the heavens, dress hotter than the Kardashians and are as relatable as SpongeBob to kids, if you are not yourself it will show. Your personality is why people or cousins in this instance should like you. If you act fake, your cousins will fake an attitude to you too and there is no way you would be their favorite that way.

You really should not keep up an act (I’m sure that would be exhausting anyway). Make sure you are real and everything else will fall into place.

With all these tips, you’ll soon have the title of “favorite most fashionable cousin/sibling/family member”. I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it for you.

Till next time,

XOXO Rubies.

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Life & Style Rubies Diary

Life Lessons I learnt From Reading My Old Diary

life lessons from old diary

A Diary is a book full of your hopes, dreams, secrets and life lessons.

life

Keeping a Diary was the second thing I was dedicated to in high school. My Diary was my bestie (You can see why I did not have a real bestie HERE) and my confidante, it held basically everything about my life and the lessons I learned in it. After I had people steal and read my first diary ever, I made sure the next diary had a lock.

For me junior school is sort of a blur, it was all about getting good grades and following the rules. By the time I got to SS2 however, I realized that I barely remembered anything about junior school. Determined to change that I made sure to change up my habits and have fun. A few weeks ago though, I came across my diaries and I sat down and went through them again. It took a while but reading the diaries really opened my eyes and put a lot of things in perspective. Here are a few life lessons I want to share with you that I learned from reading my diaries again.

  • Live Life to the fullest so you do not have regrets.

One thing I do regret about secondary school is the fact that I did not open up fast. While reading my diary I discovered that going to the hostel in Jss3 saw a particular incident that caused a change in my behavior. After deciding to actually live , I then began to see life in color, have fun, make memories – sad, happy, fun and somber. Truthfully this life lesson may seem like one that is a given. Unfortunately, you would be surprised at how many people are going through life with grey colored glasses on. From the moment I decided to actually live, I began to make memoirs. Looking back now, the memories I have are mainly of those final days in school.

A life worth living is one worth living well. Click To Tweet

  • Do not be too hasty to call it love

Limerence – Infatuated love

Throughout high school, I did not date anyone not because I did not want to but because I was convinced that I had met the love of my life. Reading this in my diary was both embarrassing, funny and sad at once. While reading I began to try to pinpoint one reason why I decided I was in love with him and I still cannot find one. I was totally infatuated with him (and the laugh lines around his eyes). I was so sure he was the one that I decided to wait around till he was ready to date me. Unfortunately for me, after wasting a lot of time I finally pulled up the courage to talk to him only to get a good dose of reality and heartbreak.

Reading through this I once again felt a sort of replica of the pain I was going through. Seeing how much I cried after dedicating so much time and my fragile emotions into him was heartbreaking and freeing at the same time. After suffering heartbreak, I turned my thoughts to revenge (how to make him pay) and even that eventually fizzled out. Now I realize that the life lesson I should have held on to from that is the fact that you cannot make anyone love you.

It was really not love, but at the time I would have bet a lot on the fact that we would end up married with kids and a great life. I had big dreams, and now I know those dreams will still be reality but this time with the right person.

‘Easy O, Jeje’ don’t be so fast to call it love. Click To Tweet

  • You have to embrace Change (that is how you grow)

Embracing change is not so easy. Going into secondary school I was a quiet, jaded girl who had been through lots of family issues and I had walls of reinforced steel around myself. Leaving high school, I had drastically changed into a more jovial, still cautious but happier girl.

The day in Jss3 when my life changed started as any other with me minding my business, keeping to myself. I had joined the hostel two weeks prior but I still kept sitting where I used to in class instead of with the ‘boarders’ (what students in the hostel were called). On this day one of my hostel mates – Nike – got angry at the fact that I refused to associate with them. She cruelly embarrassed me in front of the other boarders. She called me all sorts of names including cry baby and little girl and basically told me I was afraid of everything. Her words made me run to the top floor and hide there, crying all day.

One of my sort of friends at the time found me there and comforted me. During this I realized that even though she was cruel and mean in the way she said the words to me, she was actually right. I had been so concerned with protecting myself that I did too good a job in cutting myself off from people.

That was the turning point. From then, I began to open myself up one step at a time till it became second nature to me to be like that. No change is easy, but it almost always leads to a better version of you.

  • No matter how bad it is, it will always get better.

Even in secondary school, I went through some ups and downs that seemed almost insurmountable. After reading my diary, I said a quick thank you to God for how far I have come now. No matter how bad it gets, it can always get better is the life lesson I took away from this.

Lord I’m blinded by your grace. Click To Tweet

  • You will get finer and dress better

You definitely will #winks. I see my throwback pictures and Lord! Lord! I thank you for where I am now. That is not to say I was not cute, because I was. But then again, they are called throwback pictures for a reason.

Here is the only throwback picture I can release with peace of mind #laughs.

There are a lot more lessons I have learnt from reading my diary again and I would love to share more with you.So if you would love to read more of this comment YES down below.

Have you ever had a diary or kept a journal?

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diary Lifestyle

Reality of Friendships plus OOTD

the truth about friends

Friendships and friends can be the safest part of reality for a person and yet can also be the place that brings one the most pain and heart break.

“Best friend: A person who you choose to put your heart, soul and secrets in trust with.

The one person who even though may not be blood related to you

can be your pillar when all else fails and has the power to rip your heart out easily”

Back in primary school, I had a bestie that I did everything with – eat, play, we even had the primary school crush on brothers because anything else was just unacceptable. Everything was as fine as fine can be and my little innocent heart thrived on the friendship (being an only child I was alone a lot), until one day I got to school and found that everyone in my class were avoiding me and staring a little more than usual. Luckily for me (as a fine chubby head  girl) I never pulled the ‘Queen Bee’ stunt on my mates so it was not long till someone came up to me and told me that my so-called  bestie announced to the whole class that I was a witch. Did I hear you say what?!!! Now imagine my shock.

Yhup the wonderful beastie – what I started calling her after, understood the fact that at that time even as young as we all were we knew that being a witch was a bad thing and that the rumor would isolate me from the class and probably the whole school.  That was my first taste of betrayal and I knew I would not give her the pleasure of crying in her presence, so I proceeded to go about my day as normal. But as soon as I left school I burst into tears and cried all the way home.

My mum came to school the next day and made her take back her words but it had already made an impression on my young heart, and I knew then that I really did not want to feel like that ever again. Needless to say I did have close friends but never a best friend ever again. Friendships in reality are a bed of roses but then again even roses have thorns. The good friends have your back through thick and thin, good and bad and the bad ones unfortunately leave a scar.

“Twenty friends cannot play together for twenty years” Click To Tweet

You know the kind of friends that you meet and you just click and suddenly they are the first person you think of when something happens? Yes, the friends that get you so much but then someway, somehow as fast as you clicked you begin to drift apart and no matter how much or how hard you hold on it just won’t be the same again. I have had so many friends like that and honestly I am grateful for all of them. Some friends , as perfect as they might be are just for a time .As much as it might hurt not to talk to them again the memories of how beautiful it was while we were together would always be in our hearts.

A friend that stays at your ugliest, is a friend forever. Click To Tweet

Even as there are bad friends that leave a mark, there are also the good ones. I have friends of the opposite sex and same sex who when I was having issues were my strength. There was this particular time when I misplaced my wallet. I just came back to school from home with five thousand naira after serious hustling.

Somehow I misplaced my wallet but did not notice till hours later. I was confused, frustrated, crying and angry. Out of anger, I left my hostel and just kept walking. I then picked a bike to one of my friend’s apartment (which he paid for). Seeing my face and appearance (I looked crazy) he asked what was wrong and I tearfully told him the story. I remember him hugging me and making jest of my look.He then took me to the ATM gave me five thousand naira and took me out to eat.

It might seem like nothing but instances like this are what make you know how true your friend is. Emotionally, Physically, Financially, Academically friends are supposed to lift each other up. What kind of friend are you? What kind of friend do you have?

Outfit Of The Day

the truth about friends and an ootd

 

I am wearing leggings and a crop top and my new favourite sneakers because the best way to live is to love yourself first and be your own best friend first before you can then be another person’s. Complete yourself so that anybody else will add to you just as you will add to them.

I talked about loving  yourself and your body on my new post on “My thoughts:on the Thick trend” go and check it out.

On some level I do know I am sort of scared of being labelled “the witch” again but what is life without risk? So I will complete myself and open my heart to friends who will add to me as I will add to them.

*Looks up from writing to see the lecturer still talking. Goes back to writing*

Tell me…. Who is your best friend?

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Fashion other style Uncategorized

5 Step Cheat Sheet to Slay With Your Squad

How to slay with your squad

squad goals

What can be better than stepping out in style with your whole squad? I know I cannot be the only one that gets serious vibes when I see a squad serving fashion in extreme doses and that is why I compiled this cheat sheet on how to cause jaws to drop and heads to turn 360 degrees when you and your squad step out. Because if you cannot go out as a squad and turn heads with your fashion sense what is the point?  You know y’all know what I am talking about.

So without any extra sass or sauce here is your cheat sheet to you and your girls stepping out in style.

 

Do You-Embrace your Individuality in your Squad

One of the best things about a squad is the fact that it is a group of people who are different in appearance and exhibit different behaviors’. The key to making people go “woooooooooooooooow” is embracing your different quirks and styles. Nobody wants to see clones of each other, even twins slay in different ways. Let your personalities shine through your outfits even if you have a dress code. In every squad we have:

The ‘cool one’ who would probably wear the dress code with no extras but looks cute and chic,

The ratchet one who turns the dress codes jeans into ripped jeans and pairs it to stand out

The classy but crazy one pearl mom jeans statement tee and sneakers.

5 step cheat sheet to slay with your squad

I’m sure you are in love yeah? Yes that is how it should be. Each one of you must dress up,critic each other’s outfit plus end up looking hot asf while stepping out to create the “jaw drop” effect.

 

How do I Look?-Honesty Is the Best Policy

You know how you see those group of girls looking like they stepped outta the pages of a magazine and you look at the last person with high hopes but Naaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!! You end up with a face like “what is happening here???!!!”

eh face

Yes and we all agree that those are bad friends, like why couldn’t they tell her? Do not be that friend. As much as we do not want to hurt our friends better it be us than someone outside. Especially when you are all going out, be able to tell your friend nicely that her outfit is not working and suggest changes that could help. In this case, for the question ‘how do I look?’ honesty is the best policy.

Be your Friends fashion Police Click To Tweet

Colors

It might come off as too tacky (for some) if you all wear the same thing. But as you are going out together, it would be nice to pay attention to color schemes so that you all complement each other and do not go out looking like neon lights or clashing colors.

squad goals

Boost each other’s Confidence

There is something about ladies that exude confidence and charisma. They tend to have all doors thrown open for them. One surefire way to being confident is your support system. As a squad of stylish ladies, you all are responsible for how your sister feels. Each person should compliment the others outfit. Remind yourselves that you are Queens and you have the world at the tip of your fingers.

girl power

Finally, STRUT YOUR STUFF!!!!!

I’m sure from now on it is slay hard time for you and your squad. Make sure to use our hashtag in your squad pictures #LazyTrendyChic. You should also check out my new post on Body Goals;My thoughts on the thick trend

Photo credit shout out to: ‘Nonye and her squad. Because your pictures are simply awesome.

Till next time loves,

CIAO Rubies.

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Fashion

BOY BYE: 3 Awesome ways to style Statement Tee

statement tee

I have always had something for statement tee , the more awesome the quote the better. Pairing up a statement tee to look awesome is lots simpler than most think. Here I’ll be showing off my favorite statement tee of all time while showing you how to pair it up and sharing an experience I had some time ago with a guy that made me go ‘Boy Bye’.

Statement tee with Jeans (low waist or high waist) and sneakers

statement tee

This is one of the easiest ways to style a statement tee, especially if you are in a rush or want to look really casual.  Simply pick a denim jean and a pair of sneakers and you are good to go.

statement tee

Outfit details: Statement tee and jeans from @dkhayempire

Shoes : A lucky buy at Sabo market,Sagamu.

photocredit: @babatolaphotography

So to the story I promised y’all.I went out on a date with a friend as a favor. Luckily, her date also came with someone else so it was not awkward and we had a fun time. I thought that I and Mr. X hit it off and that was confirmed when at the end of the night he asked for my number which I gave him. It was a good end to an outing I really was not sure of at first.

Statement tee and a skirt

statement tee

Pair a statement tee with either a pencil or pleated skirt to give a girly look. You can either dress this outfit up with heels or down with sneakers or sandals.

statement tee
too much of a goofball

Tassel earrings by @jewelry_ave

statement tee

I rarely wear skirts so when I eventually do I like pairing them with statement tees to give it a bit of sass.

Back to Mr.X, after a few days we began to chat on whatsapp with a few calls here and there in between. We both went out a few times with my friend and her date. Throughout all these I felt like we vibed and he would be a great friend. Turns out I judged too quickly.

Statement tee with pant trousers and ballet flats (Sassy corporate outfit)

statement tee

My first love outfit. Every time I have to go to school (we have a compulsory corporate dress code for school) I simply throw this on with or without a suit jacket. Dressing up for school can be a hassle but I have it down to a science now (a blog post on that coming soon) and this helps a lot.

Mr.X turned out to be an asshole pretty soon enough. I and my friend went to pay them a visit at home on a sunny afternoon and while talking, he began to go sexual. He was basically operating on the assumption that I would sleep over and engage in sexual activities with him. Now there would have been nothing wrong if he would just take my emphatic ‘NO’ and move on. Instead he decide to behave like a petulant child and became nasty. He even went as far as to write me a whatsapp message basically saying “fuck off’. Good riddance I Said … Boy Bye!!!!!

statement tee

I was brought up to respect myself and have high self-esteem, so I would definitely not take any of that from a man no matter who he is. Ladies, remember when a guy begins to feel too important tell him to use the door and not let it hit him on his way out. We are queens and whoever is the one for you will definitely respect you. Thus ended the tale of Mr.X.

I hope you enjoyed this post, don’t forget to catch up with me on social media and leave a comment.

Also a blog post on my gym escapedes coming up on thursday people. #woop woop

Lots of love from here. Xoxo.

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Lifestyle

The ‘Thick Body’ Trend|My Thoughts

body goals_the thick trend

 

 

Hi guys,I am here to share my thoughts on the latest body goals-the thick trend. If you are looking for tips on how to achieve a curvier body, sorry but this is not that kind of post. This is simply me sharing my sort of experience with the “every girl should be curvy/thick hype’ that seems to be rampant everywhere especially on Social media lately.

Honestly, whoever was responsible for the trend needs to be fed bitter leaf – in its raw form only, forever.

For those who have the body it’s a lovely thing, but what about those who do not have it? Many people have their self-esteem lowered just because the internet, fickle as it is, now favors females with a different body type.

You are beautiful.It does not matter whether you are tall,short,thin,curvy,black or white.Own your Sexy Girl! Click To Tweet

the thick trend_thick body goals

My Experience With The “Every Girl Should Be Thick IG  Trend”

I won’t lie for a while there, when the trend first came up I was as caught up as the next person in trying to get more fat in the booty area. I had guy friends who would come to me and start the  regular spiel “Seyi, when will your ass increase?’. And the ladies who would come to you with the ‘babe , why your ass just small like this -cue laughter’. Most times when they all say these things it seems to be a joke to them , but they make whoever is on the receiving end feel a little less confident about herself. Comments like this chip away at a hard earned self esteem till it wears down.

Crushing words from my crush

The incident that gave me the most drive to join the ‘thick body gang’  was a comment from my crush. I mean i had been crushing on my friend for a while but he kept treating me like a little sister. One day i see a message from him on snap-chat commenting on my video. Ecstatic that he sent me a message, i open it only to see “Seyi go and get thick for me now”. I mean, i’m  sure he did not think of how much influence that sentence would have on me. Thus started my ‘desperation fueled’ journey to researching every single way to be thick.

Having all this ‘so not helpful’ comments made me so into gaining fat in the right areas. Lukily for me somehow (I have to thank the fact that my laziness protested all the effort I was putting into it) I got back to my senses. So now I wonder how many ladies are still caught up in that web of not being able to love yourself and your body fully. Every female cannot have the same body type –genetics and whatnot. Society’s view about our bodies may have become hidden under the facade of ‘awon omo thicker body’ and I love that song so it’s not as much the song as the way it has now become the acceptable way to leave your perfectly beautiful body and do lots of things for the “thicker body” .

My Realization

ONE day I stood in front of the mirror and took a good look at myself, all the flaws and the perfection that I am and I realized that nothing and nobody should make me believe that my body as I am is not enough. If you cannot love yourself it is next to impossible for you to accept the love someone else has for you – big booty or not.

The first commandment for your body is LOVE YOURSELF. Click To Tweet

A Lil Advice

Going to the gym to better your body is perfectly acceptable but going the extra mile (creams and stuff) just to get curvier because of a trend is NOT. ‘Why exactly do you want the body change?’ Because if it is not solely for you then it is totally not worth it. If you are naturally blessed with the ‘thicker body’ please rock it and if you are on the other side of the spectrum, (the Lil booty gang) rock it with a confidence that cannot be bought. And if someone has a contrary opinion you can tell them where to stick it #wink.

Let us not come and go and kill ourselves. All booties rock!!!!!!

PS: in other news whoever knows a way to get me to stop eating so much junk so late. I can see all the junk I have been consuming go straight down to my belly and storing there. This means no crop tops for me #heart breaks into pieces.  Has anyone been in this situation before? Or am I the only one too lazy to exercise?

PPS: I finally got up the courage to go to the gym. It’s been a week now and it has definitely not been play play. who wants me to do a weekly review on my gym escapades? you would be surprised at how many funny things happen there.

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