Ever been to a spa? Well except for the occasional manicure or pedicure, I really hadn’t gotten a full Spa experience before a few weeks ago. I got the opportunity to get all the kinks in my back (generated by exams} worked out and on a discount too.
When I was a kid, love was my mum bringing me a humongous strawberry ice cream cone, daddy carrying me on his shoulders, kisses from aunts and tickling from uncles. As soon as I could read a little love became fairytales, Cinderella and Rapunzel. When I became old enough to read novels, which I confess is lots earlier than you would think, it was the hero that professed his undying loyalty. The hero that fought for he lady, pampered her, lived for her and sometimes died for her.
Love was basically the perfect man. Then teenage hormones set in and my views changed again. Now the cutetest loner boy in class, the ripped bad boys and the cocky arrogant guys basically all the boys that are wrong became the yardstick to measure this emotion. Sometimes I could even be that older guy who you know is totally unattainable. The older guy syndrome faded fast though, starry eyed I may be but stupid I am not.
Heroes and their ladies..
And so the hero complex definition of love stuck. I gorged on movies, novel and everything that reinforced that belief. In movies love is a spark, love is when eyes meet across the table, love is magical, and it is a trouble free ride to paradise, love is a fairytale…. Love is cliché.
You know that when we build up a pre conceived notion of how something is supposed to be in our heads it is pretty hard to let go of it. Let’s say, like sex. Now in every novel, movie, or fictional work, sex is like finding the treasure at the end of a rainbow. It is built up to make every girl want the whole she-bang. But in reality, sometimes sex sucks. Your fist time, sex is usually painful, that doesn’t make it less important it just helps us appreciate it more.
What do girls want?
We want Mr. charming to come in and sweep us off our feet. It’s in our nature to want all the good and none of the bad just like hot make up sex with no breakup. We want hero’s, gentlemen, bad boys that will be good for us. Every girl who has ever read a novel or seen a movie wants what was promised her, a forever kind of love. We want the spark, and moonlight walks and it’s not bad to want it, all that’s bad is forgetting that the bad makes us appreciate the good more.
But my fall from cloud 9 to reality took a really long time. I had thought that love was simple, easy, and straightforward. I once fell head over heels for a guy because of his smile. Unfortunately for me, he didn’t see me he same way but I had my movies and they gave me hope that one day he would come groveling. I mean how could he do any different, he was supposed to be my first and last love. Love was everything to me, at least it was.
Doubt began to creep in when Mr. Soul mate refused to show up. But I put my heart out there again and again. But something began to happen every time I opened my heart and I got disappointed – again and again I might add – I began to believe less. Giving words to my feelings is a form of therapy for me and most times I end up discussing them in abstract with someone. This is how I came to the conclusion that here is no such thing as a perfect love. Old fashioned love – YES but perfect love – No. I have been told a million and one times that I am too focused on looking for the fairytale that I miss the real thing. That may be true, but I’m not going to stop looking for my magic.
There are no real fairytales, no love without mistakes, forgiveness and all the major life lessons. In the midst of all that though, you will find the magic, the happiness, the sense of safety. Fairytales feed our need to lie on a bed of roses, unfortunately, in real life roses have thorns. I know I am never happier than when the hero gets together with the lady and they live ‘happily ever after’.
Love in the 90’s
I lived the most of my life with my grandpa and grand ma till my grandpa passed away. Although an extremely brilliant and smart man, an easy man he was not. A few years after his death, I and my grandma were discussing friendships built in her time vs. how we build them now. Somehow we ended up talking about love and I told her I always wondered why grandpa didn’t love her again. She laughed and told me that her husband loved her totally and completely. She aid although he had his faults (the cheating, shouting, even accusations money issues all of which I remembered) but in his own way he really loved her. Then she reminded me about the time he would hug her and play music and they would dance and he would draw me to them and we would all have a blast.
Imagine a woman I thought would resent her husband for all the pain he caused her, explaining gently to me – an onlooker- that all is not as it seemed.
Here is what I realized, the minute I was reminded of one good time, all the other little things I had forgotten started to come back. I’m not accepting though that love should have that much pain in it but I see now that love encompasses even the faults. And even with his faults, my grandfather respected my grandma, in every area.
I am not a girl who is #single life. I like the idea of a special person to share your life with. Someone who is just as whole as you are, and together makes you a better whole just as you make him better too.
My Stand, My Love
People may say I have watched too many movies or read too many novels to be practical but here is my conclusion. I want to fall in love, the love that comes with fights and hurdles to pass through. The love that will give me peace and the happiest days I might have yet. I am not going to settle for less or just anybody. I want the fireworks, the magic, the sweet smelling rose petals and I will deal with the thorns as they come. If that is cliché, then yes world! I am cliché. It’s all in the way you see it.
I want crazy stupid love and by God I will get it, even if I have to fight for it.
Love and Light from this birthday girl .
Slowly, slowly I lifted my hand not wanting to disturb her. Suddenly I brought I brought my hand down “thwack” on my skin. Finally I killed the stupid mosquito that had been disturbing me since*tssswwww*. It was officially the 1st of December, 2018 and I was killing mosquitoes because I was in church. To be able to get to the engagement and wedding easily, I stayed at my aunt’s place. The whole family came for a vigil and instead of catching upon my beauty sleep I had to come with them.
At this time last year I was at the club (no I am not a bad girl). You see the 1st of December, 2017 is the day I launched my website. So after saying a quick prayer of thanks for 1 year of love, I tried to go back to sleep. After all, today would also mark the day I finally snagged myself a sugar daddy.
10am wedding day
I hadn’t gotten as much sleep as I would have liked but I was hyped. My able trusted friend and MUA @theglamfaery was at my place already(that girl is punctual for Africa). My mother had called me and I assured her that I would be there in time for the wedding. This time I was sure I would snag my fine bobo because I won’t sit with mummy. I had invited a friend along for the fun and also so that I can sit far away from my family people. The night before the devil tried to ruin my fine girl, my dress nearly messed up,my earrings sort of got lost and I realized I didn’t have shoes to wear. In my panic I called four different friends, lamenting how my villager wantu catch me. But las las my God is good!!!
Make up sesh started and I was shifting my bum bum on the seat as usual. If it was a Nigerian hairdresser I for don chop knock sef. My friend came after that and touched up her make up too. Next thing I know it’s a little past 11pm and I’m rushing to call a taxify. The wedding was supposed to start by 11 oo but me I just left Ketu for the Island at 11pm. I was just praying that we get there in time so that my mother will not shout at me in public and spoil all my fine girl.
Jamming in the Taxify
As fine girls always do when glammed up, we told the driver to turn up the stereo, and started taking pictures and making videos while trying to pose. You never can tell where your soul mate will find you oo. It can be inside taxify as he passes by in his Ferrari, abi? After doing that fora while and bobo no turn up we concluded that our guys are waiting for us at the wedding. It seemed like we were making progress o when we got into traffic. Eeeeh! It was already few minutes to 1pm.
Finally ooo, my haters have succeeded.Shay wedding wee not have finished like this? What if my bobo does not like party and is not at the engagement? Abi what of if they call him at work because he is the company Boss? He has to work now, you know for our money. God please oooo, just help me clear this hold–up so that I can meet the guy you have placed there for me.
After almost praying my make up off, we finally got to the wedding.Late but at least, we arrived looking fine like barbecued chicken, with a side of fries and ketchup. *grrrr* that was the sound of my stomach protesting the fact that I had not eaten. Sucking in my little belly pooch (I’m extremely proud of the pooch junk food gave me) I walked in with my friend (let’s call her Ife for the sake of this story). Getting In we realized they were almost done with the wedding and there were no seats at the back so we stood outside for a bit.“Babe, where are the fine boys oo. I have not seen any” Ife asked. Scanning the area I noticed the same thing “ahan I cannot see any, you saw the pic I sent you now. Don’t worry they will be at the reception.” My heart in my chest I began to pray that these guys should not disgrace me. How can all the fine boys just disappear like that?
As I was contemplating going to pray in one corner, the newly wed – extremely fine- couple walked out with both the bride and groom’s train behind them. As I sighted the first handsome bar of chocolate with full beards, my heart went back to its position. Turning my head to the side, I smiled at Ife and she smiled back. It was time to catch big fish.
Is the Reception in another state ni?
After taking a couple of pictures at the wedding with mummy and other family members, plus me changing my outfit we left to get to the reception. I and Ife walked outside to wait for our taxify ride (we need a gift from taxify for all this rides). While waiting that’s how one car like that zoomed near us and just stopped. Some evidently drunk guys in the car now started practicing their absolutely hopeless pick-up lines. Unfortunately for them, our ride arrived just at that moment and we were in the car and off sharp sharp.
The taxify guy now asked us if we know the venue. We said no and agreed he should use the Google map. All was fine, until we were still going after 20 minutes. Asking the driver, he told us to look at the map and we saw we still had 20minutes more. Still following the map, we passed by the sea for a while, then went through a road that was wavy. The driver, I and Ife just kept laughing all through the ride hoping we were not lost. As soon as we saw the venue we all shouted for joy, me especially because this is my last chance to snag my Zaddy.
Honestly, the venue was the most beautiful tent like thing I’ve seen. It was simply breathtaking. Following the ushers, we got situated on a table extremely far from my mother. Although the table was occupied by two couples I was still down to party. This reception seh! I must parrttaayyy!! As soon as we were seated, a waiter came to get our orders. As much as I wanted to eat the pounded yam, I opted for rice so that they will not think I am a foodie. I can show my true FFO status later.
Settling down, we ate and enjoyed the program. As I saw the couple take their first dance, I just went ‘awwwwwwwwwwwwww’ me sef I go love ooo. Honestly, I was so hyped you would think I was the one marrying. How can I not show off when both the bride and her sisters are simply beautiful and I get to call them cousin #sheds tears of Joy.
After all the serenre and the band playing for the “oldies”for a while, I and Ife went to see my mum. After assuring her we would go home in time we went back to our seats. The DJ soon started playing Jams and people were moving on their seats. At this point I and Ife decided to leave the venue at 7:30/8:00pm so as to get home in time. At just about 7:30 though the bride and groom made their grand entrance to fireworks and DJ hits. Everyone stood up for the newest couple in town, it was awesome.
To the After Party
After the grand entrance, everybody was up on their feet and dancing. The lights were dimmed, more food was going around (dessert), strobe lights were on and the DJ was giving hits back to back. At this point I was so caught up in all the fun that only 1/4 of my mind was on the fact that I was still waiting for my Sugar daddy. Going to the bar I tried to get baileys, but couldn’t. I ended up getting red wine for me and Ife. As we were working on the bottle, desserts started coming.
First I had a slice of red velvet cake with whipped cream and a cherry on top .Then I had another slice of chocolate cake and a cocktail.Then I shared out of Ife’s waffle and ice cream.
As the DJ dropped some “sakamanje” I and Ife were up and dancing. Lemme confess now, as I was dancing I was still scouting, ‘where art thou oh my sugar daddy?’Meanwhile there was this fine specimen of manhood on the next table beside me. As me I was eyeing him, he turned towards me. Yesss!!!!! Finally I found the one.The one that broke my heart was when he turned to look at Ife and smiled at her.Lobatan!!! Who did I offend in this life bayii ooo?!!! Tummy filled with sweets, happy from the red wine, I and Ife gave them moves back to back. The ZANKU I don’t even know how to dance, I sha danced it there.
The DJ now decided to kill it and played Askamaya –Teni .Immediately I lost all my home training in that place.
It was almost 9pm when I realized that my phone was dead and we needed to calla taxify to go home. Thank God for carrying charger up and down. We went looking for a place to charge and thankfully found the manager’s office. I plugged my phone and we went back to party.
After Ife’s mum called her nothing less than 5 times we picked up my phone and went to wait for our ride. In my mind I was shedding tears because the party was just getting interesting nau. Sebi if I had a sugar daddy now, he would have bought me a car. Las las we got home okay after having so much fun. But I still didn’t get a Sugar Daddy.
Girls, tell me…. is there anything special I need to do??Because omo I really need to find a Zaddy ooo sharp sharp.
Hope you enjoyed the series? Show some love and drop a comment. I love y’all for staying with me through this. Xoxo rubies
6am Engagement Day
Alarm rings : ‘Wake Up ! It’s time to find a Sugar Daddy’
‘Can it be 6am already? abeg oo , its too early to wake up let me sleep small’. The next time i woke up it was 7:15am .
Most times I wonder if I am the only one who absolutely hates mornings but if you see the speed at which I get dressed ehn when I’m late? I’m sure even The Flash cannot keep up. Knowing I was late, I speed dressed and did all I needed to do. Including last minute packing that I should have done the previous day. Packed, dressed in casuals and ready to go, I left Sagamu ready to set operation find sugar daddy in motion…
Hey guys, I’m here with some photography tips and tricks for you all. Its Christmas time and I trust my people we all want to pepper them on our feed. I do know that I am not the only one who loves the fact that during the season there are so many places that get a revamp with some really pretty decorations and lights. Especially on the island. Now I’m going to give you a few tips to taking pictures. Pictures that will brighten up your feed and get the likes rolling in.
Definition of Nigerian tailor :
should be classified under a whole different class of people. I used to think they were all not that bad until i nearly lost my sugar daddy because of one tailor.
At the start of this year, one of my yearly goals was to attend more owambe’s, get out more and be more social. Unfortunately, I did not have any opportunity to attend an owambe. Suddenly in October my Aunt calls and tells my mum that her daughter -my cousin– is getting married December. Imagine how I was jumping up and down with joy that my ‘oyinbo’ cousin is coming to get wedded in Nigeria.
The search for a Tailor
By the first week in November, I got the aso-ebi and the color code for the wedding. Extremely excited, I started looking for styles to sew immediately, not considering the fact that mans was broke. So I found a style, and then started praying and fasting for money oo. While my fasting and prayers were making their way to Baba God, I decided to start my search for a good tailor. I got two of my friends to recommend two different tailors to me . I went to both of them to get an estimate of how much it would cost to sew lace chord. When the first tailor told me five thousand naira I carried my load and hustled my butt out of there fast fast, in my mind it’s not me that she will use to buy food for the rest of the month.
I got to the second tailor’s place and first she told me how she was going to line the material twice because it’s lace chord and that she would use taffeta and doll face and blah blah blah. Last last sha she told me the price was the same 5 thousand naira . at this point I had to hold my chest oooo…. Imagine me, that I was barely managing to eat well in school where will I get 5k to drop for sewing wedding cloth. But I must slay nah , because by fire by force this wedding is the one where I will find the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh (all those fine boys that will come must not pass me by biko).
What makes a person a slut?
Why society calls you a slut?
You’re a female
- because you are different and they do not understand how that is possible
- especially when you wear fashionable outfits and dare to look bangin’ in them
or when you dare to express your sexuality .( I mean its simply not done for you to expect good sex or talk about it)
- infact when you are a confident Boss Lady and are completely goal oriented
because society is full of judgemental ignorant fools, thats why.
What calling a person a slut says about you
Let’s talk about the trolls and religious fanatics
Most of those who have the time to troll other people and appoint themselves judge and jury over another are usually jobless. Doesn’t that say something more about the person that calls you a slut than you, who is being called a slut ? I have noticed that most times when people see someone who is completely confident in her sexuality , the response of weak people is to fall back to slut- shaming.
King James Version (KJV)
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Now that that has been established, why dont we all just simply stop hiding behind things like religion, culture, morals and simply just mind our buisness.
Justifying rape because she is a Slut
In case you don’t know , tagging a female a slut does not just stop there. It has a rebound effect. If that lady gets raped it is 90% your fault. Sure there is no excuse for rape. But I have heard situations where a lady has been tagged a slut and one guy decides to taste too . He probably approaches her and she turns him down. He is furious because well she has “loose morals “ how can she say no. So he rationalizes that she wants him to force her. He then goes on to rape her.
Can you see how keeping your mouth shut and minding your business would have helped? That aside slut or not, how can a person justify rape? I mean there is simply no excuse. Whatever she wears or says or does does not make it okay to force her. I mean you can always just look away. Rape is NOT and will NEVER be the “victims” fault.
Anybody that blames a female for being raped and tags her a slut or hoe after is sick and I just hope that person never experiences rape.
If you can’t tell this is an issue that really gets to me. I mean if a lady chooses to use her body to help her make ends meet I’m sure it wasn’t her 1st choice. You who decided to judge her , how much have you contributed to her life? The truth is most times people that judge others are guilty of worse. If you cannot help her , and you cannot ask her to help you then sit your ass down and face your life. How does bringing another down help you is a question I continue to ask myself.
A world without the tag ‘SLUT’
Imagine a world where the female code was not only for rep sake on social media but was actually a code that we lived our lives by. Just think, a world filled with Queens that lifted each other up. A world where Kings let go of the irrelevant things and focused on building an empire. That’s the world i want to be in, that’s the world that would be worth living in. I refuse to believe that me talking about this would not make a difference. I have joined the band wagon for change, no matter how little an impact this makes it will still somehow help us get the change we want.
A friend told me to not bother myself about it, it’s just the way society is and it will not change in this generation, he said. No matter, i still add my little drop to the puddle of water, someday it will become an ocean.
Ladies, be confident, know yourselves, help each other, take a stand for change. Let the revolution start with you !!!!!!